


The Vampire and the Vampire Hunter's Apprentice

by ZeroToWeirdo



Series: Hartwin Meet-Cutes [5]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Crack, Fluff, Humour, I'm rating it teen because I'm paranoid, M/M, Meet-Cute, vampire!Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-05-05 07:32:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5366642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZeroToWeirdo/pseuds/ZeroToWeirdo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One of them is an ancient Vampire, oldest of his race...and the other is a vampire hunter's apprentice. How on earth is this going to work out?</p>
<p>Fear not, Hartwin will find a way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This is a prompt given to me by <a href="http://agrippaspoleto.tumblr.com/">Agrippaspoleto</a> on tumblr. ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Step 1: Locating the Vampire

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AgrippaSpoleto](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgrippaSpoleto/gifts).



> This Hartwin Meet Cute is going to have 5 chapters, which will basically be the "5 steps to hunting Vampires" so please stay tuned, I'll upload the chapters as soon as I can. 
> 
> Disclaimer time!: this is based off of the Roman Polanski film, The Fearless Vampire Killers, so most of the major plot comes from there. Not meaning to spoil anything for you if you've seen the movie, just mentioning it because...well, yeah, disclaimer.
> 
> Also this is an attempt at crack. It was feeble at best.

Eggsy watched the grey sky with more than a little apprehension from the back seat of the cab. He knew London weather, he knew Welsh weather, he knew Scottish and Irish weather, and most recently he had grown accustomed to anticipating Austrian weather. What he had never managed to gauge properly was the Romanian sky. By England’s reckoning, a sky like that was just another lovely day. By Austrian reckoning, they should be half buried in snow by now. Romanian skies were fickle, he never knew when they’d decide to let the people have a day off or drown them in slush. His thoughts were interrupted as Merlin, his mentor and (at the moment) bane of his existence, drawled out drowsily “How long before we make it to the castle?” from the front seat.

 

The cab driver mumbled unintelligibly, or at least it was all Greek to Eggsy, but apparently Merlin was as knowledgeable in Unintelligible-ese as he was in a dozen other languages. “Well, step on it then.” He responded, sounding surly as only Merlin could. The driver side-eyed Merlin for a moment, and Eggsy wondered for a moment if antagonizing their driver while they were on a deserted road in the middle of nowhere was a good idea. “The blizzard will hit soon, and we will be stranded in the cab. No, I will take you to the nearest inn, in the village just outside the castle. We will continue to our destination after it has abated.” They were apparently having a competition on who could be surlier, if their grunted arguments and general glaring were an indication.

 

They were in the middle of their debate when the snow hit like a curtain being dropped straight from the sky. Finally, Merlin conceded the cab driver’s point and nodded in surrender. He still grumbled under his breath of course, but he was impatient and cold. He had reason to be upset at the setback.

“It’s alright, Merlin. We’re so close now. You’ll have plenty of time to explore the castle when we get there. And think about it, tomorrow is Christmas Eve. It’ll be like a present.” Eggsy said, trying to placate his mentor.

“I’ve waited so long, Eggsy…I suppose another night or two will be fine.” Merlin murmured back, making Eggsy smile. Merlin was brusque by nature, but he was hardly unreasonable.

 

Eggsy could still recall when he had first met Merlin. The man had been on the hunt for more than 10 years at that point, all on his lonesome. They had met in Germany when Eggsy was helping out a friend as a teaching aid in Anthropology. He had been to one or two of ‘Crazy Prof Merlin’s lectures on the historical documentation of vampirism through the ages, focusing on Eastern Europe. He had been there when they had let Merlin go, just a year or two away from tenure, with nothing but a box of his belongings and bruised pride. He had been there when Merlin accidentally dropped that box on the pavement and all the students had just walked around him, or stopped and stared. He helped Merlin collect his strewn belongings and invited himself to dinner and drinks with the man, and the rest was history.

 

They had spent the rest of the night discussing Merlin’s research and with his notes so conveniently located in that box, Merlin had pulled out all his evidence and convinced Eggsy of the historical existence of vampires. “Way I sees it, Merlin, you have no excuse to stay cooped in an office as is. You’ve convinced me, you have the money to travel and now you have more than enough time. Let’s find that vampire of yours.” It had been a few years since then, and they had thus narrowed down the hunt to Transylvania, to an unnamed castle in the heart of the countryside which was reputed to have been retained by Vlad the Impaler, or perhaps even be his final prison when the Hungarian forces had captured him. Merlin had always been adamant on his theory of Vlad III being the first vampire, though there was never any solid evidence on the matter, as well as his theory on there being another vampire, nearly as old, by the name of Krolock. In that theory, at least, he had some documentation of the creature all throughout Europe.

 

So here they were, chasing Merlin’s theory in remote Transylvania, the birthplace of the legend and presumably the resting place of the last vampire. Eggsy could feel the tingle of anticipation on his skin; soon they fruits of Merlin’s labor would show and they would know whether he had been chasing the truth or a myth for over a decade. If they didn’t die first of frostbite, of course, as it seemed the cab’s heater had decided to heave it’s last tepid breath and expire. The haggard look Merlin shot their cab driver seemed to amuse the burly man, who just huffed out a chuckle. “It’s alright, we have arrived just in time.” And indeed they were now entering what looked like a village, though the sleet was coming down quite heavily now. They were drawing near to a run-down house and for a moment, Eggsy hoped he was wrong, that this wasn’t their destination…alas, the cab driver pulled up to the front door and hopped out of the car to get their luggage.

 

“…Well, it looks…very rustic.” Eggsy’s feeble attempt was met with a wet snort from Merlin.

“It’s dilapidated and ancient, Eggsy. I have half a mind to have it inspected. It doesn’t even look structurally sound, let alone inhabitable. If we survive the night without getting frostbite and pneumonia, the tetanus will surely take us.”

“Don’t touch anything rusty, then.”

“I can see the rust in the air from here, and there is a blizzard between me and the building _. Rats_ would flee this house on fear of death. I have half a mind to attempt constructing an igloo or a snow hut and braving the storm, if I didn’t think I’d end up housing every rodent refugee escaping this inn.”

 

Despite the grumbling, Eggsy could only grin at Merlin’s words. A silent and content Merlin was a sign of the apocalypse, and having him grousing about everything showed that all was right in the world. “See you inside, Merlin.” he sighed good-naturedly, receiving a put-upon grunt in response, before getting out and grabbing the last bag from the trunk, Merlin not too far behind. He was almost glad that the heater had died when it had, giving him time to adjust to the chilling cold before he stepped out into the biting wind. The cold was so bone deep, that the warmth of the inn when the door opened nearly made him collapse.

 

The inn looked much roomier and clean on the inside (Merlin merely given a nonchalant, sweeping gaze over the place at this discovery, though his brows had gone from Bert to Ernie instantly). The ‘lobby’ of the inn was essentially a living room with a desk directly in front of the door, a staircase on one side of the room and on the far end of which was a fireplace with soft and worn looking couches surrounding. It looked so inviting and warm, that Eggsy found himself moving away from Merlin (who was discussing their accommodation with the innkeeper as well as tomorrow’s transportation plans with the cab driver) and towards the hearth like a metaphorical moth to the literal flame.

 

He was close enough to feel the need to take off his thick winter coat and scarf when he noticed that someone was already enjoying the heat; a petite blonde girl (woman?) was sitting, tucked between pillows, on the largest couch with a thick book in her hands. As he approached, she startled out of her reading and looked up at him in surprise. He couldn’t really blame her. How many tourists showed up in this area of Romania in the dead of winter?

“Mind if I have a seat?”

“Oh, of course, please, sit. I’m sorry, I didn’t realise we had guests.”

Her accent was lilting in a thin Romanian accent, unlike the brogue of their cab driver and everyone else they had met in the countryside so far. Eggsy always found the accent strangely charming, when he could make heads or tails of what was being said, of course.

“Just me and my friend Merlin, Hardly worth ignoring a good book for. I’m Eggsy, by the way.”

“Roxanne, but you can call me Roxy. What brings you to Transylvania? I’m guessing you came from Britain, considering your accent? Seems a rather long way from home, to spend Christmas seeing nothing but snow.”

“Maybe I’m here for the winter discounts and cheap lodging.”

“Hah, let me tell that to my father. He’ll laugh along and charge you double.”

“Please don’t, we don’t have that much on us, and the blizzard doesn’t look quite as welcoming as this fireplace.”

She gave him a knowing smile, as though she had noticed his deflection off the topic of why he and Merlin were there to begin with. She seemed intelligent enough to have sussed him out instantly, but he could tell she was also gracious enough not to pry.

“So…you and your father live here alone?”

She nodded, though it seemed she didn’t quite want to continue on that train of conversation, when Merlin walked over, yanking his scarf off in a rush and shuddering.

“Bloody snow, it gets in absolutely everything. Short of being zip-locked in a man-sized plastic bag, I’ll never not get snow in my shoes.” Merlin paused his rant and turned to look at Roxy.

“Hello there. Pardon me, I didn’t see you. The names’ Merlin.”

“Roxy.”

“Pleasure to meet you. I was long overdue to see something pleasant after the day I’ve had. Snow, disappointment, and more snow.” He growled. Eggsy rolled his eyes at Merlin’s capability to be simultaneously ornery and flattering. Roxy seemed to find it amusing, though, and laughed. “Well then, I do believe your days can only get better from here, or I pray they do.”

“Ah, intercession from an angel herself. Tomorrow is going to be a good day. For tonight, though, I am retiring. Don’t stay up too late, Eggsy, we’re leaving as soon as the snow lets up. It was wonderful meeting you, Roxy.” And with a flurry, he was gone.

“He seems a pleasant man.”

“You should see him when there isn’t a fire nearby.” Eggsy grumbled. Roxy just laughed and swatted Eggsy’s arm. They talked a while about the book Roxy was reading (a Murakami compilation), about living with her father, about her studies abroad to Russia where she studied medicine, about life in Transylvania. Eggsy, in turn, talked about his sister and his parents, about how this would be the third Christmas in a row he wouldn’t be home due to studies and work. He had gotten used to it, but he knew this would be the last one away or his father would just to hunt him down and post him back to his mother ‘without putting any holes in the box’. The scary part was, he took his father’s word on that promise, 100%.

 

Before long, the two were trading numbers and emails, with promises of keeping in touch. That is, until Roxy’s father (his name was Percival, Eggsy believed he had heard) approached them. He spoke softly to his daughter in Romanian, his face looking tired and more than a little sad. Roxy’s mood instantly took a turn for the somber. “I’m sorry, Eggsy, but I need to retire as well. I’ll talk to you another time?”

“Of course. Talk to you some other time.” Eggsy placated, not wanting her to feel bad considering how nervous she suddenly appeared. As Percival and Roxy went off, he heard three words in Romanian that he _had_ managed to grasp, which were ‘sunset’, ‘bags’ and ‘travelling’. He wondered if Roxy was going to go off somewhere, if her father was talking about packing bags. Perhaps she had to go back to Russia for classes?

 

Eggsy didn’t have much time to mull over it, before he heard a knock on the front door of the inn. He expected someone to come in immediately, but apparently the door had been locked, because three more loud knocks echoed through the room. One glance at the window had Eggsy rushing to the door. It had just gone dark outside, but the blizzard was still coming down hard all around the inn and he could hear the rough winds outside; he didn’t even want to think about what the person outside the door must be enduring.

 

He made quick work of the latch on the door and flung it open, to find a shocking sight in front of him. A bespectacled man, with windswept brown hair and a thick winter coat and gloves was standing on the threshold, the raging storm buffeting him from all sides but doing nothing to affect his tall posture and regal face, and for a moment all Eggsy could think was “Merry Christmas, indeed.”

 

He must have been thinking it for a while, though, since the man cleared his throat and said evenly (or as evenly as one could when trying to speak over a blizzard) “Might you perhaps invite me in? It’s…rather choppy out here.”

 

And in a millisecond, Eggsy felt like the shittiest human on planet Earth. He had just let the man stand in a blizzard while he got an eyeful. “You get nothing, Eggsy. No Christmas for you. You get coal.” He chastised himself as he stepped aside and ushered the man in. “Much obliged.” The man said politely, a charming smile on his face as if Eggsy hadn’t just subjected him to the freezing weather and Jesus, how could an accent that had seemed ‘rather pleasant’ when it came from Roxy’s mouth not two minutes ago become something so blatantly arousing in Eggsy’s mind? Even the cold wind stinging his face as he closed the door couldn’t stop his face from warming. Who knew he had a thing for accents? Well, apparently he did now. “You think you’d know these things about yourself, Eggsy, you’re already 25 years old.”

 

“Are you alright?” the man asked, looking a little concerned as Eggsy stood there like an idiot, hand on the latch to lock the door but apparently unable to do so. He tried to reign in his embarrassment, come up with some sort of excuse that wouldn’t come out as a stammer, but the man had already taken a hold of his elbow and was hurrying him closer to the fire. “I’m sorry, you must have just gotten out of the snow yourself, and I’ve taken you away from the fire. Sit, please. Are you feeling cold? I’m sure they keep blankets somewhere around here.” He asked quickly, forcing Eggsy back into a warm and pillowed seat.

“Yeah? Uh no, no. I’m fine. Now. I’m fine now. I’m sorry, it’s been a long day, and I’m a little…out of it.” Eggsy tried to explain away. “Had a long journey.”

“I can relate. This place is rather hard to reach. I’m technically neighbors with this village, and yet my house is a good 2 miles away.”

“Did your car break down in the blizzard?”

“Hmm? Oh no, I walked here.”

“You walked? In this weather? For 2 miles?! I should be asking if _you’re_ cold. I’ve just ben stuck in the back of a cab!” Eggsy gushed in shock, looking the man up and down for signs of pneumonia, trauma, _something._ All he saw was a ridiculously put together man, so serenely unaffected it was almost ethereal even as he shrugged his thick winter coat off his shoulder, revealing a bespoke suit underneath. For all it’s thickness, the winter coat was _not_ meant for such heavy snowfall, let alone the rest of the man’s outfit. For crying out loud, he was wearing _oxfords!_ “It’s quite alright, I’m a native here and I’m quite used to it. A little snow won’t harm me.” The man explained, hanging his coat on the coat rack near to the fire. “I’m afraid we’ve skipped introductions, in the flurry of the moment. My name is Harry.”

“That…doesn’t seem very Romanian.”

“Well no, my name is Horatiu, but I find Harry more appropriate for modern times…and far more informal. I found myself adopting the name when on my travels. Might I ask what your name might be?”

“I’m Eggsy. Well, I’m Gary, but everyone calls me Eggsy.”

Eggsy swallowed harshly as Harry sat on the couch opposite from him, where Roxy had been sitting just a few minutes before. He had no idea what to make of this man, who seemed to have no fear of death in a blizzard and acted like royalty while sitting in an overstuffed sofa in a run-down inn.

“Uh so…I’ve never seen a man brave a blizzard in a tailored suit and oxfords before. Not that it isn’t impressive, because it is, it’s just…very insane. Not that you’re insane, of course, I don’t think you are…” The man just laughed at the insinuation, though Eggsy contemplated pleading exhaustion and crawling up to the room he would share with Merlin before he completely humiliated himself. Harry had no right to be so disarmingly charming, really, with his rich brown eyes that seemed to reflect the firelight till the appeared to glow that seemed to short circuit Eggsy’s brain.

“I’m used to the cold. I was born and raised in these lands, so I hardly notice it anymore. Sometimes I walk till I lose track of time, not knowing where my destination is till my feet have taken me there. Tell me, Eggsy…how have your feet taken you so far from home?”

Eggsy wondered if he should evade the question in the same manner he had with Roxy, by diverting the topic and Harry’s attention elsewhere. For some reason he could not understand, for the first time in a long time since he began travelling with Merlin, he felt his self-imposed reservations slip away. And so he let it.

 

“I had finished my Anthropological studies in Germany, in University of Königsberg, and had taken a job as a teaching assistant soon after. And then I met Merlin.”


	2. Step 2: Discernment and Confirmation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Step 2 in hunting a vampire...know that he's the vampire. ;)

Eggsy wasn’t sure if it was the temporary insanity he seemed to be suffering from at the moment, or perhaps he was being bewitched by Harry-magic, but he talked about his studies in Germany and how it had brought him to researching the history and legends throughout Eastern Europe with Merlin. He hadn’t gone on into detail about what they were researching per-say (he didn’t appreciate the degrading looks he usually got when he used the term 'vampire', and such a response from Harry would kill him) but there was something of recognition in Harry’s eyes when he mentioned Merlin’s name. He had, in fact, admitted to having read some of Merlin’s work. That being said, there wasn’t a hint of scorn in his face or voice when he mentioned Eggsy’s mentor, which meant either he respected Merlin’s theories on vampirism or didn’t know of them at all, both scenarios which were really a lot better than the disdain Eggsy and Merlin were so used to receiving. It was refreshing. It was amazing.  
  
In return, Harry spoke of his own journeys through Europe throughout his years. The man had been basically everywhere on planet earth, the lucky bastard. They talked about monuments they had both visited, and streets they had both walked, and more than once Eggsy found he had to bite back promises one mustn't give to someone one just met. Promises like going to countries together and revisiting Harry's secret cafes and old stone fountains and museums. Promises that sounded a lot like traveling the world together.  
  
It wasn't until nearly an hour had passed, and their chatting had quieted to a comfortable silence, that Eggsy wondered if Harry was the type to stay in touch through social media like Roxy, and if he should even bother to ask.  
  
As far as he knew, Harry was just a (strange, interesting, intelligent, handsome, mysterious, endearing, amazing, take your bloody pick) man trapped by a blizzard in the same inn Eggsy was staying at, by a twist of fate. He was probably just passing the time by talking to Eggsy, waiting for the storm to let up. In fact, the immediate connection that they shared (the one Eggsy refused to acknowledge) was probably just all a part of his imagination; wishful thinking of a lonely mind. Eggsy hadn't had much time for friendships beyond his smartphone, let alone a...possibly more than friendship. Or at least a friendship with an unhealthy amount of one-sided attraction and pining.  
  
“Eggsy. Have you fallen asleep with your eyes open?” Harry asked, startling Eggsy out of his daze. He had been staring at the fire for quite a while and hadn't noticed Harry calling him three times.  
  
“Sorry…I didn’t hear you.”  
  
“Penny for your thoughts?”  
  
“I was just wondering if I’d ever see you or talk to you again once this storm lets up.” Eggsy admitted, still a little flustered by being so outspoken, even though their conversation had eased him into a sense confidence he didn’t usually possess around charismatic people…people like Harry.  
  
“I was rather hoping it went without saying that we would stay in touch…Forgive me if this seems a little forward, but I find you fascinating.”  
  
“You do?” Eggsy was sure his heart was beating out of his chest. This man was actually interested in Eggsy? Awkward and embarrassingly spastic Eggsy?  
  
“Yes…and I think I’d be a fool to waste the opportunity to continue getting to know you.”  
  
Don’t stammer…don’t stammer…don’t-  
  
“I-I’d like that.”  
  
Dammit…well it didn’t really matter, if the enraptured smile spreading over Harry’s face was anything to go by.  
  
“Are you going to be free on Christmas evening, Eggsy?”  
  
“I’m not sure...Merlin and I will be visiting the nearby castle on Christmas.”  
  
For some reason, that just made Harry smile even wider and chuckle. “Well, I will send you an invitation anyways, for you and Professor Merlin. Perhaps you’ll find yourselves free when the time comes.”  
  
Suddenly, as if startled by a noise, Harry looked up at the staircase leading up to the second floor of the inn. “I beg your pardon, Eggsy, but it seems to be time for me to take my leave.” Harry said as he got up from the sofa and began pulling on his long coat.  
  
“W-what? But the blizzard-”  
  
“Its fine, Eggsy. I don’t feel a thing.” He shot a rather debonair smile at Eggsy, which just made Eggsy a little more manic because really, being handsome doesn’t mean you can act like you’re touched in the head and simply waltz out into a blinding blizzard. He was prepared to protest, to suggest Harry spending the night, when Percival and Roxy came down the stairs, a duffel bag in tow. “I’m ready to go.” Roxy said in an even tone, with resolve written all over her face. "Of course." Harry replied, nodding solemnly as though he had been expecting this outcome.  
  
Dumbfounded, Eggsy could only watch as the three of them walked to the front door like a funeral procession, the somber air about them thick with tension and sadness. The only thing lacking to make the scene complete was the sound of dirges and wailing women. Harry reached the door and opened it, allowing flurries of snow to come rushing into the room, spreading its cold breath.  
  
Eggsy was sure he was seeing things now. Surely, surely he was seeing things. Surely he did not see Roxy step out first, into the dark blizzard.  
  
And surely he did not see Harry following moments after with a small smile aimed at Eggsy.  
  
And he absolutely, definitely did not see the flash of fangs pressing against Harry's bottom lip, and the glint of Harry’s eyes…his eyes that hadn’t been brown, but had been red. Red like the fire in the hearth…red like blood.  
  
Percival closed the door and bolted it, and the entire inn was silent like tomb…as though none of that had happened. And it couldn't have. It couldn't possibly have.  
  
“They…they could die out there.” Eggsy managed to croak out, though somehow he knew that wasn’t true. He just needed Percival to be scared, to prove his fears false. Percival just looked upon him balefully before muttering “They can’t.” and retreating back up the stairs.  
  
Eggsy stood there for what felt like a few seconds and an eternity, thoughts racing faster than he could keep up with them. He did the math, he assessed the different points for and against his theory, he went over his evidence over and over again. The only proof of the passage of time was the stiffness in his knees when he finally began walking to the staircase. He wasn't entirely sure how he ended up in his and Merlin's bedroom, sitting on his bed and staring at the ground in shock.  
  
"Eggsy? For god's sake, boy, close the door! You're letting the hot air out." Merlin's voice sounded muffled as though he was far off, though Eggsy knew he was only a few feet away from him.  
  
"Eggsy? Are you alright? You look like you've seen a ghost." Merlin asked worriedly, getting out of bed and pressing a hand to Eggsy's shoulder as though to try and wake him from his daze. Any other time, Eggsy was sure he would snort at the irony of that statement. Hell, he could snort at the irony of this entire evening, from the moment Harry (Horatiu...his name was Horatiu) had graced the inn's doorstep. Now, though, all he could do was reach three conclusions. He turned to Merlin, and repeated those conclusions, which was the only thing he really could do in a situation like this.  
  
"I met a vampire. He took Roxy. We need to get her back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do my chapters always fluctuate in length so damn much? Ah well...at least it's here. My draft for the third chapter is twice as long :P
> 
> Thanks, everyone who commented and kudosed in the previous chapter, as well as those who bookmarked. Hope you enjoy this chapter. Please feel free to comment even more! :D


	3. Step 3: Locating the Vampire's Lair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Third, one must find the vampire's lair, where he is at his weakest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY I'M SO LATE IN POSTING THIS! There was a shitstorm with the wifi in my area of town, and all our wifis went down in the area and no one was able to fix it till after Christmas and I'm so sorry this was overdue TT_TT. There are some notes at the end of the fic concerning some references I made within this chapter to certain books or names of places/people. Please read the note before commenting, in case you think I'm misrepresenting real locations without knowing. I promise, there's a reason for why I'm saying what I do.
> 
> Merry Christmas, everyone, and please enjoy the fic.

Eggsy stared out the window, waiting for the sun to rise. It was just over 4.00 a.m., and though Eggsy knew the sun rose much later than 4.00 in Romanian Decembers, he kept staring through the room's east-facing window. He wanted the light to come and give him courage, give him warmth, but he knew that that was wishful thinking. Even if the sun rose right that instant, for all it's brightness and cheer, the bite of winter air would still surround him. He contemplated getting back into his bed to warm himself, but he'd given up trying to sleep hours ago. Aside from that, the very thought of warming himself in the sheets while Roxy was out there, at the mercy of what was potentially an undead parasite, made his stomach turn in discomfort. So he'd been here, alternately pacing the room and standing in front of the window, ever since his conversation with Merlin last night.

 

Thinking back, he had expected the conversation to go very differently than it had. He had expected some measure of doubt from Merlin when he had announced his introduction to a vampire, followed by hasty exuberance to pursue the vampire once he had convinced Merlin of his theory. Instead, Merlin had believed him nearly immediately and listened patiently, before telling Eggsy to sleep, as there was nothing they could do till the blizzard and the night had passed. It was very logical, very pragmatic, and it hammered the conviction into Eggsy that all of this had been real. An impassioned Merlin meant a Merlin who hunted for information to convince not only others, but himself, on his theories. A clinical and calm Merlin was one who was convinced of a path and prepared to go to war to walk that path. Or in this case, to find and hunt a Vampire.

 

"We always knew there was a chance that we would need to kill a Vampire, Eggsy. We're more than scientists now. We must do more than observe; the fate of the world could very well rest in our hands, as we are the only ones who know the truth." Merlin's words from the previous night had chilled Eggsy just as much as the freezing air. He knew there was a lot at stake; Roxy, the nearby villagers, possibly the world as a whole. But to kill Harry? A strange tightness filled his chest at the thought. Harry had been...nice. Well, for an ancient, immortal cannibal. And he had seemed interested in Eggsy, had talked to him for ages and ages, had listened to him talk in turn. Fascinated...he said Eggsy fascinated him. Eggsy fascinated no one. Perhaps they had misjudged Harry a little...perhaps Eggsy was over reacting...and perhaps Harry had told Roxy she was fascinating too.

 

Dammit...was it possible to be supernaturally grifted by a vampire?

 

He didn't have time to overthink the concept of being conned by a supernatural being when Merlin began to wake up. He took a seat on his barely-used bed and watched in silence as Merlin stretched, his back giving a god-awful series of creeks and groans that never failed to make Eggsy cringe, which in turn made Merlin's morning apparently brighter. "Good morning, Eggsy!" He announced cheerfully, sniffing the cold air a little as he scratched his closely shaven scalp. "Good? How is any of this good?" Eggsy muttered under his breath. Well, Merlin apparently hadn't heard him, or didn't deign to offer him a reaction, as he stood up and continued his back-breaking stretches.

 

"So..." Eggsy asked, flinching with every snap, pop and crackle of Merlin's spine. "...what's the plan?"

"Hm? The plan?" Merlin's arms stretched and popped.

"Yes, the plan. To rescue Roxy."

"Ah." Now his knees, mustn't forget the knees.

"Just waiting for some marching orders here."

"Of course, of course, calm down." he snapped his neck left and right in quick jerky motions. Cue Eggsy shuddering in horror, for the fifth time that morning. It was an almighty shudder that shook his frame and made Merlin chortle.

"One day you'll kill yourself doing that."

"And it will be a satisfying death. Now, onto business. First, we need to confirm who we're dealing with. Is this a young Vampire? If the theories of Dr. Stoker are correct, then simple being bitten by a vampire will infect you with vampirism, which stands to reason that he will not be have too much knowledge accumulated through time and experience." Merlin started pacing the room as he often did when he was giving a sort of lecture to Eggsy.

 

"What does his knowledge matter? We're not going to quiz him." Eggsy interrupted impatiently, causing Merlin to stop short with a scowl right in front of Eggsy, the same scowl he gave when he felt that Eggsy was behaving like an incorrigible child.

"Knowledge, Eggsy, on how to kill us in the most efficient, or possibly horrendously slow, method available in his arsenal. Also knowledge on how to master every possible power afforded him by his vampirism. Use your head, boy."

"I'm sorry...I didn't get much sleep."

 

Merlin nodded slowly, as though just taking into account Eggsy's dark circles and tired eyes. "Yes, well...there, there." he said, giving Eggsy two stiff pats to his arm. Eggsy nearly snorted at the awkward attempt at emotional interaction, but he knew Merlin by now and the attempt itself spoke volumes as to whether Merlin cared or not.

 

"Alright, so first we find out who he is. He said his name was Harry- I mean, Horatiu."

"Hmm...not too rare a name in Romania, plus no mention of a last name. How convenient for him. Alright, we also need to know where he is. Did he mention his abode?" Merlin resumed his pacing.

"He said he lived two miles away from the village...if I could get a signal, maybe google maps will have something?"

"You might as well try to locate his presence through the power of prayer. We'll ask the cab driver, it should be fine. He'll be here soon, the blizzard is clearly lifting, and I told him to be here by 5. Though a few theories of where to start would be grand, in case he doesn't know the area as well as we presume-" Merlin stopped short as he stooped at the door, inspecting something on the ground. Eggsy didn't notice, too deep in thought on where Harry could possibly be hiding Roxy.

 

"Maybe it was that old house we passed on the way into the village?"

"Eggsy."

"It looked relatively inhabitable...I think."

"Eggsy."

"Do vampires even need their houses to be inhabitable? They're dead, the elements and pestilence won't hurt them."

"Eggsy."

"So it really could be the house, whether it's inhabitable or not. Now we just need to go there."

"He won't be in that house, Eggsy."

"What? Why? Do you have an idea?"

"He'll be in the castle."

"....that's so cliche, Merlin, do you really think he'd live in an old castle just because he's a vampire? There are basements in this day and age, he doesn't need a crypt or a dungeon."

"He'll be in the castle." Merlin repeated, handing what looked like a postcard to Eggsy.

 

But it wasn't a postcard, it was an invitation. A gold-gilded invitation.

 

It read:

 

_**Count Horatiu von Krolock** _

_**invites you to the** _

_**Yuletide Ball.** _

_**Friday, 25th December** _

_**6.00 p.m.** _

_**Bran Castle** _

 

Bollocks. Eggsy nearly dropped the card, his whole body gone numb.

 

"Krolock."

"Indeed."

"He's that really old vampire you've been researching."

"That's correct."

"The one whose name you found in connection to the Crusades, all the World Wars, as well as that one assassination attempt on Margaret Thatcher."

"Oh my, you have been listening to my rants! That warms my heart, Eggsy. Truly." The fact that Merlin looked truly touched at the moment made Eggsy nearly hysterical with panic, because how could he do anything but panic when the 'professional' vampire researcher (now, apparently, hunter) was clearly not grasping the direness of the situation.

 

"We're screwed. He's going to kill us. He lulled me into a false sense of security to get information from me; he knows who you are and what you study, he knows what you're capable of, he'll be prepared. And he's in a castle, a bloody castle with towers and motes and gates that the two of us couldn't possibly scale to save our lives! All we can do is wait for him to strike."

"It's not all bad, Eggsy."

"Well, pardon me for being unable to see the bright side in this situation, where the man of my dreams turns out to be a proverbial man-bat and has been flirting with me when all he wanted to do was probably suck me dry! Fuck, no, not like that, but like my neck. Suck my neck. Wait...Fuck. I'm going to Hell."

 

"I didn't mean that wasn't 'all bad'. Obviously, it's rather atrocious that he used charm and flirtatiousness to con information out of you like some buxom hussy in a bar in a bad 80s cop movie, all the more atrocious that you gave into him like a drunk in said bar. He could have been using a form of hypnotism on you, of course, which Dr. Bram Stoker suggested in his thesis on Dracula and his impact on Transylvanian politics. Which, in a sense, is even more atrocious. Because that would mean you've been manipulated so very thoroughly, even your mind is no longer your own."

 

Only Merlin could start a strain of conversation sounding mollifying, and end it making one feel like the patron saint of idiots. Eggsy was feeling a little depressed now, and more than a little self-depreciating, but at least he wasn't panicking anymore.

 

"...........then what isn't 'all bad'. Since I'm apparently a lost cause."

"I meant the whole 'he's in a fortified castle' thing."

"What do you mean?"

"Read the writing on the back, Eggsy."

 

Ah.

 

Well, now Eggsy felt like Lord and Saviour of all unintelligent lifeforms throughout the universe.

 

In beautiful penmanship, Harry had apparently written a note to Eggsy on the back of the invitation. It read: "Dear Eggsy; please feel free to drop by before the date and time on the invitation. I believe you said you were planning to visit today, in the company of Dr. Merlin Rutherford. I eagerly await your presence." Any other time, Eggsy would feel flattered at that last sentence. Now he just felt like Harry had the munchies, and he was a conveniently placed, naïve snack.

 

"Well, it seems we've been invited by the Count to pop by whenever, really. The sun will rise soon. If Dr. Stoker's theories are correct, the vampire will sleep in the day. We leave at once. Quick, grab the bag with the garlic and crucifixes. The storm has stopped." Merlin rushed to the door once more.

"Merlin, wait!"

"What now, boy, I need to call that cab driver. The only landline is in the lobby. We need to leave at once."

"Merlin, you're not wearing any trousers."

"....right. We need to leave as soon as I'm wearing trousers!" Merlin rushed back to his bedside to wrestle into his slacks. The slacks were winning this round, sadly.

"And we need to have breakfast. We can't forget your blood sugar."

"Damn my blood sugar." Merlin hissed, finally getting the thing on the right way round and right way in. "Fine. We need to leave as soon as I've had breakfast...do you think they have bagels?" He didn't wait for Eggsy's reply before rushing out the door.

 

~~~

 

Breakfast had been a nearly traumatic experience for Eggsy. He'd come down to the chaos of Merlin trying to eat two bagels at once while illustrating all the ways he would save Roxy and kill Harry to a very pale and horrified looking Percival, while also instructing the cab driver (who had just arrived) to be prepared to take him and his protégé to their deaths. Then Eggsy had been herded out by Merlin, who was chewing so loudly and shoving Eggsy so incessantly that Eggsy couldn't hear a word Percival was saying to them (it had sounded important, and incredibly earnest) and barely had enough time to snatch a breakfast roll for himself.

 

Merlin took to interrogating the cab driver concerning the folklore surrounding the castle, though the man seemed surlier than the day before. It probably had to do with the fact that it wasn't even 6.00a.m. yet and an insane man was already babbling away into his ear. He was surprised, though, when Merlin asked why the castle wasn't formally documented as Bran Castle. "They could not find proper documentation to prove that Bran Castle was it's name, so they registered it as unknown. There are many names for that castle, though Bran is the most popular." That had to be the longest sentence Eggsy had ever heard the man utter in their presence. "Why didn't the people push for the name to be instated?" Merlin pushed.

 

The man was silent a moment, a contemplative look on his face, before he muttered "Everyone from these parts knows its name. They don't know because they want to remember, they know because they cannot forget. It's a name from a very dark time. A cruel man used to live there. Now a better man lives there...he has no need for a cursed name."

 

Eggsy and Merlin shared a look, unsure if this man knew that the cruel man and the better man were probably one and the same, that he never left, and that he probably never would. They rode on in silence.

 

\--

 

The cab driver dropped them off at what appeared to be the side of the castle. Merlin and Eggsy contemplated going to the front, but noticed an entrance much closer. They stared at it, assessing the pros and cons to entering a vampire's den like a thief in the night. After all, it was only 6.00a.m and the sun hadn't risen properly yet. Finally, Merlin made the executive decision of 'fuck it' and walked towards the small gate. "I suppose you could climb the wall and help me up." he muttered aloud, before pushing the gate and watching it swing open easily. "Or...we could walk through. I suppose vampires don't really have a need for security systems, do they?"

 

Eggsy wondered if the rest of their quest would be as easy, when he realised the entrance opened directly into what looked like a family graveyard. He wasn't entirely sure if the shiver that went through him as he followed closely behind Merlin had to do with the temperature or the eeriness of the place. "There's a door there. Looks like a servants' entrance." Merlin whispered over his shoulder before pushing the door open. For a while, Merlin and Eggsy were sneaking through what appeared to be old storage rooms when they stumbled into a warm kitchen area. The modern counters and cookware made Merlin and Eggsy stand and stare for a while in wonder and confusion. That is, until Eggsy felt a prickling in the back of his neck and the odd self-conscious sensation of being observed. "You ever get the feeling you're being watched?" He asked in a whisper. "What're you talking about?" Merlin asked quickly, before turning to look behind him. The cries of shock coming from both Merlin and Eggsy would have been funny, if they hadn't nearly died from shock at the sight. That sight being, two people sitting at a table, both with matching looks of unimpressed resignation, while they ate what was probably their breakfast (it appeared to be Lucky Charms cereal).

 

The four of them stared at each other for a while, two of them trying to figure out what excuse they could use, while the other two chewed their breakfast uninterestedly. Finally, the middle aged man (African American, from his accent, which explained the imported cereal but didn't explain what the hell he or that cereal were doing in the ass end of Romania) spoke up with his lisp, "You deal with these guys."

 

"It's your turn, I dealt with the last ones." The young woman objected. Merlin couldn't quite pinpoint her ethnicity or origins from her accent, but he did decide that she needed to get some sun. She was looking exceptionally pale.

 

"Yes, but you know how I am with these things. I'm not doing it."

 

The young woman r0lled her eyes and stood up quickly. "Follow me." she said sharply, before turning heading through a different door. Merlin and Eggsy did so readily, not so much because they wanted to as opposed to because they were intimidated by the blades that substituted her legs below the knee. They had been walking behind her for nearly 5 minutes when Eggsy's word vomit and curiosity got the better of him. "What happened to your legs?" he asked. She stopped walking, causing both Merlin and Eggsy to stop as well (and caused Merlin to elbow Eggsy in the stomach twice in panic).

 

She didn't turn around, even as she replied in a monotone; "He gave me a choice...it was my life, or a piece of myself. So I cut them off. Humans overestimate the importance of their legs." slowly turning to face them she smiled and said "I have new ones now. They're much shinier, and they do more than just walk. Harry is a very generous man." Both Eggsy and Merlin flinched when her arm shot up and pointed in to the door on her right. "Harry already knows you're here. He always knows." She said, before walking off, and leaving them to their fate. Merlin was the first to rally his courage, pushing the door open and stepping inside.

 

 

~~~

_In the meantime_

~~~

 

 

"So, what story did you use this time?" Valentine asked as he washed the dishes. Gazelle snorted in a very unlady-like manner and hopped onto the counter next to the sink. "The Jigsaw story." she said, grabbing an apple from a nearby basket and taking a huge bite. Valentine cringed, probably at the thought of all that blood, which just made Gazelle grin even wider. They remained silent for a while, before Valentine sighed and said "Next time go for the starving mountaineer story. They always squirm at that one. 'We traded. He ate my legs, I ate his arms. I may not have been able to run away, but he couldn't fight back. He lasted me half a winter.' " His impersonation was too good, except for the lisp, that Gazelle burst out laughing so hard she nearly fell off the counter, and she was sure she had apple juice coming out her nose. She really had to dust off that old story and use it next time.

 

She loved trespassers.

 ~~~

 

 

"Eggsy! It's wonderful to see you so soon. I must admit, I wasn't expecting you to be here before sunrise." Harry said cheerfully as he stood up from his seat and approached the two of them. He was wearing what looked to be his pyjamas and a bathrobe. Red, of course. Because irony wasn't just for the living. And of course he managed to look more put-together in sleep attire than Eggsy managed in his day clothes.

 

"We...couldn't wait." Eggsy replied carefully. Should he not look a vampire in the eye? Was that how you stopped from being hypnotised? Maybe if he could just avoid looking-whoops, okay, he'd looked. He'd looked Harry in the eyes. They were beautiful eyes. Big and brown, with flecks of gold in them. They were amazing eyes. From the corner of his vision, he could see Merlin shaking his head in disappointment. He barely noticed, though to be fair, they were also very distracting eyes.

 

Harry turned to Merlin with a warm smile and an outstretched hand. "Dr. Rutherford, it's an honour to meet you! I've had the opportunity of reading your work. 'A Bat; It's Mysteries.' Remarkable. I must have a copy somewhere, I'd love for you to inscribe it for me." "Is that so? It would be an honour." Merlin said and shook his hand, his friendliest face and manner for display. Actually, Eggsy had a feeling he was legitimately excited to meet the vampire. Even if they were going to kill him, this meeting had been a long time coming; it must have been like meeting and old friend to Merlin, in a sense.

 

"I must admit I'm a little confused, though. I could have sworn I hadn't heard the front bell ring. How on earth did you two get inside?"

"The side door." Eggsy answered a little too quickly. Merlin froze for a moment before nodding. "Yes, the side door."

"Lost your way?"

"No. We were chasing a-" Now it was Merlin's turn to answer too quickly. They weren't very good at this 'lying to a vampire' thing. "Chasing what, exactly?" Harry asked curiously.

"A pteropus. We were chasing a pteropus. A...a large pteropus. Huge. Practically gargantuan. Very, very big....pteropus." Merlin replied quickly, waving his hands vaguely to illustrate the size of the bat. It looked more like he was describing the size of a dog, but Eggsy hoped Harry hadn't noticed that.

"A pteropus?...I thought they hibernate this time of year. You said so yourself, in your book."

 

"So I did. So they do." Eggsy couldn't help but take a step away from Merlin, who was nodding sagely, his words drawn out and emphasised in a clear play for time (at least, clear to Eggsy) so that he could come up with an excuse for this contradiction. If death via exsanguination had not already been their most likely cause of death in this situation, Eggsy was sure he would have dropped dead of mortification right there. As it was, he just imitated Merlin's nods and hoped Harry didn't notice him trying to seep into the floor and disappear entirely.

 

Really, Harry looked far too confused to notice very much of anything. "But, you just said...then how could it be you saw a pteropus?"

"Sleep-flying, maybe?" Again with the drawn out tone. Eggsy was a hair away from slapping himself in the face, or maybe the upside of Merlin's bald and clearly malfunctioning head. Harry's eyes turned to Eggsy in disbelief, and schooling his own look of pain to resemble that of assurance took every ounce of Eggsy's strength, both physical and spiritual. Merlin's earnest face helped a great deal and Eggsy tried to imitate it. He was sure he looked like a simpleton instead. A simpleton with bowel problems.

 

"Sleep flying." Harry repeated.

"Yes?" Merlin responded, and both he and Eggsy stood in silence praying that Harry would just drop it. Please, for the love of all that was holy, please.

"I....eagerly await your next book, which hopefully will shed light on this gargantuan sleep-flying pteropus." Harry said carefully, eyes flicking between the two of them in doubt. "So do I." Eggsy muttered. He was sure the resulting bruise on his ribs, courtesy of Merlin's lightning fast elbow, would last for days. As it was, Harry seemed ready to drop the strained conversation as well. He indicated to the door that led to the hallway and motioned for them to follow. "Right this way, I'll show you to your rooms. We've readied many of them, in anticipation of the guests arriving tomorrow. We've been busy all week, of course. This is the first family gathering I've hosted in...well, a rather long while." He explained as he walked. "I'm really glad you both could make it." The warm smile he shot Eggsy had him grinning stupidly before he could control himself; even the small cough from Merlin couldn't diminish his smile, though it certainly turned it more sheepish.

 

"Well, I-we were really excited to visit you-ou're castle. Will you be giving m-us a tour today?" Eggsy asked, hoping Harry didn't hear his slips in speech. Merlin clearly did, if his eye-rolls indicated anything. Harry looked slightly disheartened and nodded. "I'm afraid I'll be rather busy today. I've been up all night with plans for the dinner. Quite a few important people will be there, and I can't afford any social blunders at the moment, I'm afraid. I was just about to retire for a while, actually."

"You must be very tired, then." Eggsy said regretfully, and more than a little understanding. Even though what was keeping him up was how he was going to confront Harry, and possibly kill him, to save Roxy. If he had his doubts a few hours ago, it was nothing compared to the doubts now, talking to Harry.

"Not really. I'm a night bird. I'm not much good in the day time. I do most of my planning at night."

"I'm sorry we've kept you." Merlin stated quickly, trying to look contrite when really he looked excitable.

"Oh it's completely fine. I'd like the both of you to meet me for dinner, of course. I'll be free this evening to show you both around the castle." Harry offered as they stopped in front of two doors. Merlin agreed excitably, once more with more honesty than Eggsy had expected when Merlin seemed just as eager to stab the man through the chest with a wooden spike. "The rooms are connected from the inside. I hope you both have comfortable stay. I'll see you this evening then." Harry's eyes once more drifted over to Eggsy's. The young man found himself blushing uncontrollably at the warmth in his gaze. Another cough from Merlin broke the silence of the moment and Harry excused himself, walking off down the hall.

 

"Really, Eggsy." Merlin stated as soon as they were alone. Eggsy blushed again, this time with embarrassment.

"Oh come off it, Mr. Gargantuan Sleep-Flying Pteropus."

"It is entirely plausible." Merlin said without another word and entered his room with a huff, leaving Eggsy alone and more than a little lost in the hallway.

"Wait, Merlin! What's the plan? Should we follow him? Spy on him?"

"Don't be ridiculous. You heard the man. 'I'm a night bird, I'm not much good in the day time.' Dr. Stoker's theory on vampires reposing during the day is most likely true, then. For now, we sleep. A couple hours, just to get our energy up. You certainly will need the rest. Now go to your room. Leave the connecting door open, though. Just in case." Merlin stated simply, already preparing for bed. Really, how he could be so blasé about sleeping in a castle owned by an ancient vampire was beyond Eggsy. He contemplated asking to remain in the room, but Merlin seemed to recognise his hesitance and gave him a sharp look. "Go, Eggsy."

"Fine. If he visits me while I sleep, it'll be on you." Eggsy replied sullenly.

"Don't act like you'd find that unappealing, you transparent boy." Merlin retorted, which sent Eggsy retreating to his room faster, Merlin's chortles chasing him at the heel.

 

Once alone in his room, Eggsy had time to really look around him. The room was amazingly extravagant, with a large mahogany four-poster bed in the centre of the room and antique furniture and decorations all around. Shucking off his coat and shoes, he decided to sleep in his clothes (just in case) and slipped into the bed. Perhaps it was fatigue, but for some reason Eggsy found himself lulled to near sleep almost immediately, cocooned in the warm silence of the dawn. Be it as it may that he was in what was, essentially, a lions den, he found he hadn't been his comfortable or at peace in quite a while. Perhaps it was vampire magic, tricking his senses into complacency. Perhaps it was that he was lying in the softest bed he had ever known. Perhaps it was the strange sense of trust he felt for Harry, deep down in his gut where logic had failed to penetrate just yet.

 

In the dim twilight of Christmas Eve, Eggsy found himself drifting off to sleep, and just before unconsciousness took him, he could have sworn he had heard the soft voice of a woman singing, the notes drifting in the morning air till he was gone, lost to dreams of Roxy's voice and Harry's smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, first of all, Bram Stoker is like Merlin in here, where he is a researcher who believes in Vampires and his main focus was Dracula. Because of this, the book 'Dracula' did not become famous, therefore research into Vlad the Impaler wasn't done. He was just another tyrant who owned multiple castles and such. Therefore, because he wasn't popularized and in depth exposés on him weren't done, Bran Castle wasn't considered a landmark and was lost to the times, in name and in condition. It was just another one of the castles he owned. This is an alternate universe. Sort of. I mean, adorably chivalrous vampires who look like Colin Firth are real in here. Clearly, this is too good to be true :P


	4. Step 4: The Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once you have found the Vampire's lair, wait for him to repose and strike when he is most vulnerable.
> 
>  
> 
> Also, see end notes if you want to know where the Helsinki I've been, or if you feel betrayed that I have not uploaded when I said I would.

Eggsy woke up contemplating life, and if it was worth living if he had to leave the pocket of comfortable warmth and snuggly goodness he was currently enveloped in. It seemed just too much to move and face his real life right now, even if his stomach and bladder were protesting his life decisions. He didn’t care. When had ever had such a lovely bed? Never, that was when. What thread count did this comforter have, a billion and one? What was this mattress made of, duck down, cotton candy and unicorn dreams? He was reluctant to move a muscle, except to writhe and feel the sheets swish around him softly. He sighed in content, probably for the thousandth time since he became semi-conscious, and was going back down the rabbit hole into wondrous sleep when he heard:

“You snuffle in your sleep. Like a puppy.”

Eggsy jack-knifed upright, flailing to get the sheets away from his face, but it seemed they’d transformed from cozy-sleep-pocket to boa constrictor in his moment of need. When he finally emerged, heart racing and breath coming in sharp gasps, he saw the lady from yesterday. Her name was niggling at the back of his mind, but all his alarmed mind could come up with in that moment was ‘knife legs’, mostly because that was all he could possibly notice when she was swaying it from side to side as she sat in the seat facing his bed. The seat that she was sitting lady-like in, watching him detachedly, which she had been doing for God knows how long.

“I…y-you…were you watching me in my sleep?” Eggsy squeaked, burrowing back under the sheets and drawing them above his nose, as though they could shield him from her.

Her response was to raise her eyebrows slightly, looking decidedly unimpressed, and motion to the bedside table a foot from Eggsy’s head. He looked up quickly (he didn’t dare lose sight of her, not even for a moment) and noticed a breakfast tray with fruit, toast, scrambled eggs and various condiments on it as well as a pot of tea. He relaxed slightly, realising that she had not, in fact, broken into his room (which he was sure he had locked) to sit and stare at him as he slept.

“You’re boring when you’re awake.” Knife Legs said, standing up gracefully and proceeding to leave the room with a stunned and slightly insulted Eggsy still peering at her from his sheet-shield. He wondered grudgingly if Merlin had had a similar wake-up call, or if Eggsy was just that ‘lucky’. Now that he thought about it, he could hear Merlin’s voice coming from the room next door. He seemed to be discussing the absence of a McDonalds within an 8 hour drive of the place with the man with a lisp. Eggsy waited for the sharp tap of Knife Legs’ knife legs to fade and for Merlin’s bedroom door to close before shooting out of bed and running into Merlin’s room.

“Oh my God, Merlin, how did they get in when I locked all the-”

“Ah! Good morning, Eggsy. How was your nap?”

“-and she was sitting there! I thought she was going to _kill_ me, but she just-”

“Nothing like proper room service. Eggs and toast, a little simple but good. And for free, not like what that Percival man was charging us.”

“-just _staring. Staring._ For who knows how long-”

“Would you like a cup of tea, Eggsy?”

“I…yes, please.” Eggsy decided with a sigh, because Merlin clearly did not find anything strange with someone watching him while he slept. In fact, he seemed to find everything about their stay decidedly invigorating. After taking his breakfast tray to Merlin’s room, he sat down at the small coffee table in his room and began digging in. Eggsy had just managed to calm down from his frightening experience with Knife Legs, chewing his toast leisurely and gazing at the steadily falling snow outside the window, when Merlin announced excitedly “Once we’re done with breakfast we can begin looking for the Count’s crypt and stab him promptly; hopefully we’ll be done by lunch time.”

Eggsy chocked on his mouthful of toast, managing to turn away from Merlin before he received a shower of crumbs. “What *cough* what if *cough* what if he doesn’t have a crypt?” He croaked. What he really wanted to ask was how they were going to go about stabbing a vampire, or rather he wanted to voice his sudden reservations on whether or not he was _capable_ of such a thing. To place a steak over a man’s heart and drive it through with a hammer…let alone, over _Harry’s_ heart. He felt faint thinking about it.

“Of course there’s a crypt in the castle, Eggsy! Why, a castle without a crypt is like a unicorn without a horn!” Merlin stated, his eyebrows ticking in a way that meant he was not pleased with Eggsy’s insubordination. “You’re not going to start questioning me, are you Eggsy, hmm? Like my ignorant colleagues from Kroninsberg, are you?”

“No, of course not…but…what about Roxy? Can’t we just find her while he sleeps and rescue her?”

“Come now, Eggsy, you can’t place the cart before the horse. What could possibly make her safer than eliminating the threat?”

Eggsy sighed dejectedly, because really, there was no stopping Merlin when he got an idea into his head. “I wish we never came to Romania. I wish we never found this Vampire. I wish we never found this castle. I wish this was all just old tomes and musty paintings again.” He muttered under his breath.

“Oh Eggsy…” For a moment, Merlin looked almost understanding as he rested his hand on Eggsy’s shoulder. “Where’s the fun in that?”

Nope, he should have known Merlin was too far gone for compassion. “Come now, my squeamish lad. We must find the crypt, slay the beast and rescue the maiden! Quick, finish your breakfast and let’s be off. Can’t have the Igors trying to stop us.”

They finished their breakfast in silence, though ones silence was far more dread-filled than the others, before grabbing Merlin’s ‘Vampire Kit’ and leaving their rooms as quietly as possible. They managed to find their way back into the courtyard with the small grave. “It’s probably near here…it will look older than the normal stonework of the castle, not as kept…possible two stories tall, maybe connected to the old wing for easy access.”

The sound of Merlin talking to himself under his breath was probably the only thing that kept Eggsy from shivering out of his shoes from anticipation. As it were, it wasn’t enough to stop him from yelping when a hand grabbed his shoulder from behind. Spinning around, Merlin and Eggsy found themselves facing the incredulous help.

“Ah, Mr. Valentine! Don’t mind us, just walking around-” Merlin stated in a high pitch, only to be interrupted by Valentine’s sharp tone. “You shouldn’t go to the old wing. It isn’t safe in the winter, all the floors are iced over and we haven’t tested the building for stability since bellbottoms and disco were a thing.” “Ah yes, but, you see I-” “Wait till Harry’s up. He’ll take you on that tour he promised. Don’t go near the old building.” He stated once more, clearly having none of Merlin’s persistence.

Eggsy wasn’t really sure what to say, when Merlin cheerfully nodded and said “Well, alright then, we’ll just head back in, then. It was getting cold anyways. Come now, boy.” Merlin was then rushing towards the main building, Eggsy hurrying behind him.

“So we just give up?” Eggsy asked breathlessly.

“Don’t be stupid. The crypt is attached to the old wing, which is probably closed off, but there can be paths that aren’t walkways, and entrances that aren’t doors.”

“What do you mean?”

Merlin turned to Eggsy as he yanked open the door they had exited just that morning, his face sombre and determined. “I mean, Eggsy, that I spied a window parallel with the roof of the old wing. We’re getting in there today, and we’re finishing this.”

***

“Gazelle….Gazelle, come here.”

“Wha~at?” She was really in no mood to deal with his random rants. She had to do all the fish-gutting for dinner because he was squeamish. Not that she minded all that much, seeing as it was her sole responsibility to deal with all the flesh slicing, which she found strangely cathartic.

“Gazelle, seriously, come look at this.”

With an overly exaggerated put-upon groan, Gazelle dropped her fileting knife. Valentine gagged slightly as she sidled up to him, wiping fish blood onto her apron as she did so. Peaking over his shoulder, she was greeted with the view of their two guests trying to climb through the window of the old family crypt.

“Are they…grave robbing?”

“I don’t know…I don’t _think_ so.”

They both shared an unsure look, before looking back at the young man shimmying his way through the tiny window.

“What, they couldn’t wait for a tour? Why’re they always sneaking around?” She asked testily, hoping they didn’t actually break anything in there. That crypt was ancient, and Harry would be more than a little upset.

Valentine just shrugged in response, to which she rolled her eyes and went back to her fish. “Englishmen are so strange.” She muttered, lobbing off a fish head and watching it roll off the counter into the bin with satisfaction.

“You’re telling me.” Valentine replied, but decided to let it be. They’d deal with the aftermath of their trespassing later. For now, he had another round of Temple Run to deal with.

***

“This is a horrible idea.”

“Eggsy.”

“This is the worst idea you’ve ever had.”

“Eggsy.”

“This is worse than that time in Bruges.”

“Eggsy, I swear to god, if you don’t hurry up I will stick a wooden stake so far up your arse-”

“How? The Vampire Kit’s already in the crypt.”

“Eggsy, I _will_ bite you if I must.”

“Alright, alright.”

“You aren’t as light as you think you are, Eggsy. And I am not so young as to hold you up for a prolonged period of time.”

“Just hold on, I need to get a better grip…oh fuck, the floor a very long way down.”

With one last heave Eggsy managed to heave himself through the window. He flopped ungracefully to the ground and landed a little harshly on his thigh, but other than what was probably going to be a spectacular bruise, he was unharmed. That didn’t mean he didn’t bemoan his current situation one more time. “Eggsy, a little help?” He looked up to see Merlin struggling through the window. He grabbed his mentor by the arms and yanked, moving Merlin about an inch forward. He yanked once more, but all he could hear was the strain and creak of the stone window pane and Merlin’s jacket.

“Eggsy…Eggsy, stop, I’m stuck. It’s pointless. You need to do it.”

“What?!” Eggsy squeaked in horror. “You need to do it, Eggsy. Go, check the tomb.”

Eggsy was almost too scared to turn and face the sight that lay behind him. He had spent most of his time trying to avoid directly looking at his surroundings, but now he had no other choice. He was soon greeted by the dimly lit stone-walled crypt, one of the only sources of light being the one Merlin blocking with his body. In the centre of the crypt were two tombs of marble, with heavy slabs of chiselled lids lying atop them. He grabbed the Vampire Kit and clutched it close while fishing for the flashlight within it.

“He must be in there. Check the tomb.” Merlin insisted. Really, Eggsy felt like snapping at him for being such a pushy git in his moment of tribulation, but he had barely the mind to find the flashlight and point it around, let alone articulate his turmoil. He swallowed his squeamish thoughts quickly as he tried to dredge up whatever Unwin bravery his father had mentioned used to run in their blood. He wondered if that bravery had skipped a generation, and promptly swallowed down those thoughts as well.

Inching forward bit by bit, Eggsy wondered if there was a chance that Harry would just come out and ask them what all the fuss was about, because anything would be better than opening the lid and having something grabbing him from the darkness. Even if that something was a vampire. He shakily reached the first tomb on his left, his trembling hand touching the icy marble slab. “Come on, Eggsy, you can do it.” Merlin encouraged from his perch. Eggsy nodded slowly and pushed against the slab. His arms felt like jelly even as he pushed, but eventually it began to move aside by an inch or two. He blinked in surprise as he pointed the flashlight downwards.

“Well, open it!”

“I don’t need to, Merlin, I can see in. It’s just…dust and pieces of bone.”

“Ah? Oh…an ancestor then. He must be in the other one.” Merlin insisted.

Eggsy moved on to the next tomb, his heart racing. Would Harry look like he was sleeping? Would his face look monstrous and pale, as though a glamour from his waking moments had fallen from his face? Closing his eyes tightly, he shoved against the slab and held his breath as it gave way a few inches, as though waiting for something to happen. For words, or a claw tearing at his flesh, or bats to fly out in hordes, or anything really, to reach through the small opening he had made. When nothing happened aside from Merlin tutting at him, he peaked over the edge of the tomb and blinked at the sight before him.

“Just bones, Merlin.” He managed in a weak chuckle.

“What?” Merlin asked, astonished.

“Oh thank god!” Eggsy groaned, dropping to his knees.

“What do you mean ‘thank god’?! This is horrible. He must be inside the house.”

“You know I can’t handle that insane shit, Merlin. Stabbing Vampires is _your_ thing.”

“Well, you’re my apprentice and you must learn to do it eventually. Now help me down. No, no, not this way, we’ve established that _that_ isn’t going to happen. Head to the roof and pull me down from the outside.”

Eggsy nodded weakly, his legs wobbly in his relief, and began staggering towards the exit.

“Eggsy, the bag.”

Right. He staggered back to the bag of Vampire-killing paraphernalia, nearly dropping it twice. “Try to avoid the servants from seeing you. They’ll know something is afoot. And be careful.” Merlin insisted as Eggsy disappeared from view down a passageway.

***

“What the…Valentine, look.” Gazelle called sharply.

“Oh my god, what?! You know I’m not good with knives, Gazelle, I almost cut off my own damned finger.” Valentine groaned from where he was cutting up vegetables. He was honestly quite horrible at it, and Gazelle wondered why Harry had hired him at all. “You’ll want to see this.” She insisted.

He came over to the window and all but chocked back a laugh when he saw what looked like the back end of a man sticking out of the small window the ancient family crypt.

“My god, these goddamn tourists are _insane._ ”

They stared in awe, utterly speechless in the face of this absurdity.

“Should we help him down?” Gazelle asked.

“…I’m sure kid will help him down. They got into the mess, they can get out.”

“It’s getting pretty cold out.”

They continued to stare for a while, before Valentine finally shrugged.

Looks like it was up to the kid.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I'M SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPLOAD I HAD MY REASONS I WONT SAY THEM HERE BUT IF YOU'RE CURIOUS, [HERE'S THE LINK!](http://zerotoweirdo.tumblr.com/post/143559924481/okso-here-it-goes-first-of-all-let-me)


	5. Step 4 (again, because you failed last time. Sort ur life, m8): The Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When at first you don't succeed, or you get the location of the lair wrongly, try try again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I know this was meant to be 5 chapters to coincide with the '5 steps', but damn, there was just too much. Before I knew it I had 21 pages on MW. So here's step 4b XD

Eggsy was being careful. He was sneaking along walls and ducking under passageways, trying to find his way back to the old wing so he could rescue Merlin. Of course, after a few passageways and arches and doors, he found himself hopelessly lost and all thought of Merlin escaped him and images of him starving to death in an abandoned hallway came to mind. It was ridiculous to think he’d never be found when the castle wasn’t even that big, but ‘ridiculous’ was simply how Eggsy’s anxiety rolled.

 

He picked up the pace, checking rooms and doors, most of which were locked, and by the time he reached The Hallway he was panting and seeing shapes in shadows. The Hallway was important of course (note the capitalization) because just as his heartbeat was beginning to deafen him, he heard a voice.

The voice sounded earie as it floated in the air, garbled by distance and thick stone walls, but even then Eggsy felt his heart beat pick up in a more positive way, because he recognized that voice.

 

Roxy was singing.

Quickly, Eggsy found himself trailing through the hallways looking for the source of the sound, and with every turn when it seemed to get louder, his hopes began to rise. They didn’t have to kill Harry if he simply took Roxy and left! Why, they could just pretend it never happened and leave Harry to his Vampiry ways or something of that sort. Or perhaps leave the gory events to someone else. Someone more qualified and _willing._ Someone not Eggsy.

 

After a mad dash around the final corridor, Eggsy found The Door. The Door is very important (again, see the capitalization) because he knew that just beyond that door, Roxy was singing, which meant 1) he had found Roxy and 2) she was well enough to sing instead of scream bloody murder, while in a creepy castle, therefore she must have been treated quite nicely which was reassuring.

 

Before he could second guess himself, he found himself entering the room cautiously, looking around for threats as he did so, as best he could in the dim light. The room was just as luxurious as his and Merlin’s if not more, and thick plush looking curtains had been drawn, stopping all but a few stubborn fissures of light from seeping through to the bedroom floor. In the semi-darkness, Eggsy could make out what looked like a crimson gown on the bed, stark in contrast to the white sheets and flowing with layers of fabric. He half suspected it was a relic from a Victorian lady, except it look far too new and pristine for such a thing.

 

His brief distraction with the dress was interrupted by more humming and singing. Inching forward into the room (and dropping the  vampire kit next to the door, which was probably a bad move but he was tired of nearly knocking things over with it) Eggsy found himself creeping towards what he could only assume was the attached bathroom. The voice was clearer now, and he would bet everything he owned that it was indeed Roxy’s voice. In fact, he would bet all he owned because at this point he had everything to lose if this turned out to be some sort of vampire trick. Gathering all the courage that was left over from the crypt debacle and his stint in the winding hallways of the castle (his knees were still weak) he flung the bathroom door open, to be greeted by an unearthly shriek.

 

Despite the fact that not much could be said in Eggsy’s defense when it came to him barging in on someone in the bath as he had, he tried to anyways…namely, he apologized in a stammer and closed his eyes because he wasn’t sure what else to do when one walked in on a naked woman in a tub.

 

Well, actually, when he thought about it, he could have said something along the lines of “Come with me quick, a vampire wants to eat you!” but that would just cause panic and questions and doubt, and eventually probably physical assault, and that was the last thing Eggsy wanted to do. But he couldn’t leave her now, because really, he needed to talk to her, make sure she was healthy and…well…not undead.

 

So, even as she screeched, Eggsy didn’t really know what else to do but to avert his eyes and hope for the best. When Roxy’s breath was spent, they remained silent for a tense moment before Roxy swore (or he assumed she swore, as the word sounded violent and filthy) in a language he did not understand.

 

"My God, Eggsy! You scared me half to death!" 

“I scared you half to death? I did? Do you have any idea the situation you’re in?” he demanded before he remembered that Roxy didn’t know, and shouldn’t know, and reigned himself in.

 

She shouldn’t have to worry about all this, and if everything went as planned she would never have to know.

 

“What on earth are you on about?” she asked, looking perplexed as he fiddled with the doorknob he hadn’t yet let go of, and wondered what he was to say to allay any fear he may have inspired. “Stop fidgeting and come in, you’re letting the hot air out.” She continued and began lathering her arms with a wash cloth.

  
“Rather brazen of you, bathing in my presence.” Eggsy muttered though he didn’t really mean it. It was a change of topic, and Roxy rose to it as he expected her to. With blunt sarcasm.

 

“Oh no, what have I done. Bathing. In a bathtub. In a bathroom with a door, fully intending to do so unmolested and uninterrupted. What naivety. I sin.” She drawled, earning a sheepish grin which in turn brought about her own. “And really Eggsy, why wouldn’t I bathe in front of you. You’re clearly uninterested in me sexually, wouldn’t you agree?”

 

Well, when she put it that way. He shrugged and closed the door. “So, to what do I owe this honor? Have you stalked me from my father’s in to here? Oh, was this one of the castles you were talking about visiting with your mentor? Will you be here for the ball? Please tell me you’ll be here for the ball, there won’t be anyone else vaguely near my age and I dread the small talk…wait, do you have anything to wear?” her eyes roved calculatingly over his body. “Will you be wearing that?” she tacked on, her upper lip curling slightly in derision, which really Eggsy did not appreciate. He gave her a look that told her so, but she just rolled her eyes and continued washing her arms, waiting for his reply.

 

“I won’t be attending the ball, Roxy.”

 

Oh boy, here it goes. It was time to convince her to come with him, without actually using the words ‘vampire’, ‘blood-sucking’ and ‘fangs’.

 

“And I don’t think you should either.”

 

An immaculately plucked and shaped eyebrow raised itself incredulously, as though it were sentient enough to question his sanity, or perhaps as though he were insane enough to grant it sentience in the first place.

 

“Now Roxy, hear me out….” She looked disbelieving but nodded slowly. “Very well, I’ll hear you out. But I’d like you to know that I have been dying to wear that red dress I just got back from the tailors and the odds are stacked in its favor.”

 

Dammit, he was possibly beaten by fabric.

 

He had to make them sound dangerous and disagreeable without actual using the word vampires, or anything in their general ballpark. He decided to use every word Merlin had ever used to describe a vampire’s psyche.

 

“The truth is…I don’t think you can trust Harry’s brand of friends. They’re dangerous people…they have depraved intentions; they’re the holy trinity of narcissism, nihilism and hedonism; selfishness incarnate to the extent of demanding self-sacrifice from others in one inexplicable way or another; megalomaniacal maniacs with ghastly palates and possibly table manners to suit.”

 

Silence ensued and Eggsy was sure she was going to either call him insane or demand reference. Instead she rolled her eyes with a huff.

 

“Really Eggsy, you make it sound like I didn’t know half of them were dignitaries and the other half were politicians. Points for creative vocabulary, though.” She paused and smiled slightly, giving him a rather knowing look. “Harry…you called him Harry, not Count Whatever-or-other. He mentioned you two spoke but he didn’t mention that he told you to call him Harry. You’d think he mentioned something like that. You must be special.” She said under her breath, playing with the bubbles in her bath, her smile widening gradually.

 

He sighed deeply. “Maybe my blood smells  _particularly_ delicious.” He muttered under his breath, kicking his feet a little in frustration. He didn’t seem to notice her startled look, which she quickly schooled back to amusement though it was skindeep at best.

 

“Eggsy, do you mind turning away? I need to get dressed now.” She said. He nodded and turned to the frosted window, doodling swirls and shapes idly as she slipped out of the tub and dried off.

 

It was in that moment that the most astounding thing happened, and really what an amusing twist of fate, it was really quite hilarious…except for the fact that it bloody well wasn’t.

 

For behold, directly in view of Roxy’s bathroom window was a sweeping view of the side of the crypt and directly within that view he could see Merlin’s legs still dangling uselessly from the window.

 

Eggsy felt like he was going to throw up.

 

Roxy was in a bathrobe talking about something to do with paperwork and studies and ‘such a night owl, but he should be up now’ but all Eggsy could hear was the thundering of his own heart in his ears. “Sorry, Roxy, but I need to go I’ll be right back and we’ll continue the talk about the ball and why you shouldn’t go because it’ll be overrun by Va-politicians.” He said quickly, not entirely sure what he was saying as he slurred words together in his hurry, and rushed out of the door. He barely had his thoughts about I him enough to gather the vampire kit before leaving altogether.

 

As fate would have it, Eggsy found a window just four doors away from Roxy’s room with a perfect vantage to the roof connecting to the crypt. As one would expect, snow had come down rather hard and was coating the surface of the roof in a thick and misleading cloud. It was not soft as it looked, nor as fluffy. It was biting and slushy and slippery and cold, and Eggsy felt like a disgusting creature for leaving Merlin to face such weather alone and helpless.

 

He slipped and slushed his way towards the lax legs of Merlin, nearly completely buried in an unhealthy layer of snow.

 

Dropping the bag on the roof without ceremony or care, Eggsy got to yanking at Merlin’s waist. His clothes crackled from the cold and Eggsy just hoped that Merlin’s bones would not do the same because he couldn’t now remember just how old merlin was and it was freaking him out a little because Merlin was a motor mouth and that often distracted him from the fact that he wasn’t necessarily in the best physical condition, certainly not nearly enough to be braving the cruel elements in such a manner.

 

It took a few good tugs and possibly a few minutes before Merlin slipped out and landed awkwardly in front of Eggsy. He had popped out so suddenly, in fact that Eggsy had very nearly launched him straight off of the roof with the inertia of the tug. What was worse, their flailing and sudden movements had caused a sudden avalanche and Eggsy could feel all the snow about and under his feet giving way and slipping off of the roof like a waterfall. He gripped determinedly to Merlin’s arm and his coat and tried his best to steady them, belatedly noticing the thud and slide of the ‘vampire kit’ only once he was sure and Merlin were secure. Even as relief washed over him of having a (frozen stiff, but breathing) Merlin in his arms, he groaned in dismay as he say the kit skating away from him. He could almost hear the sardonic Jingle Bells in his head as he saw the kit making its way down the slopes of Transylvania like the fabled one horse open sleigh.

 

All he could do was grit his teeth and drag Merlin along because really, he was far too tired for this. He knew what he had to do, of course. He had to get Merlin to a warm location, they had to discuss the next plan of action, then he had to sneak back to Roxy’s room and have the talk with her, and somehow convince her to come back with him to Percival’s inn. Perhaps he could make it sound like a short detour? That she would be back before the ball even began?

 

After nearly slipping (and dropping Merlin) once more, Eggsy decided to leave the planning to later and picked Merlin up, slinging him over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry because the poor man’s legs weren’t nearly sound enough. Soon he was hobbling with Merlin in tow, his stuttering breaths and full-body shivers sending ripples of guilt through Eggsy’s body. “I’m so sorry, Merlin…” he whispered more than once, and soon it became a litany in tune with their footsteps, first sloshing through the snow then scraping and echoing through the stone hallways of the castle. He could hear Merlin stuttering something under his breath, and after a while he realized he was saying “Setting”. Indeed, the sun was setting. Eggsy felt his stomach drop in realization of how much harder this had just gotten.

 

Deciding that desperate times called for desperate measure, Eggsy didn’t even bother traversing the hallways in search of their rooms. He entered the first room that had a fireplace (the library, as it would have it) and dumped Merlin in the nearest chair to the fire. After stoking it and wrapping Merlin in a tablecloth, he sat down opposite the man with a sigh.

 

As Merlin slowly gained warmth in his extremities, he began fussing about looking around the room. “Mind getting me a book while I regain feeling in my legs?” He asked politely. Far too politely. Eggsy knew a guilt trip when he heard one and got an entire pile of books for Merlin, spreading them about around the professor, who perked up noticeably and began grabbing a few books at a time, muttering about how little time they had. He absentmindedly handed a book to Eggsy with a grunt, saying “What on earth, don’t need that” under his breath.

 

Eggsy stared at the pocket-sized edition of “A Hundred Goodlie Ways of Avowing One’s Sweet Love to a Comlie Damozel” in his hand. Flipping through the pages, more out of habit than curiosity, it fell open to a picture of a man and a woman about to kiss. Now, if the man had not been wearing clothes akin to what Harry had been wearing earlier, he wouldn’t have paused. Instead he found himself staring for a moment and, without warning or premeditation, the thought of perhaps…wooing Harry with the instructions within the book came to mind. Would someone sophisticated like Harry need to be wooed like a ‘Comlie Damozel’ or was it possible for him to really, truly like Eggsy-

 

Merlin sneezed, waking Eggsy from his daze like a slap in the face. He quickly stuffed the book in his pocket, as though hiding the evidence of a guilty secret (and not to be used later, surely). Enough was enough, he had to get out of this crazy house with the vampires and the mind-control of the vampire (though he knew it was mostly just his own damned thirst). Before he knew it, he was halfway to the door.

 

“Where are you going?” Merlin asked in surprise.

 

“I’ll be right back. I just need to talk to Roxy…get her to leave with us. We can leave before the ball and be out of this place, long gone. Figure out what to do then, or if we even need to do anything. Yeah.”

 

“Now see here, Eggsy, the sun has set! And-” Merlin made an aborted movement akin to someone trying to stand up, but Merlin was more of an ice cube than a human at this moment, and he ended up toppling over onto his pile of dusty books. “I’ll be right back, I swear!” Eggsy announced and left before Merlin could protest any further.

 

 

 

 

With courage bolstered by his recent success (with Roxy, not with Merlin…clearly) Eggsy found himself running through the hallways, backtracking as fast as he could. He soon found himself in what he thought must be The Hallway, though he wasn’t really sure which room was Roxy’s. It was either the fifth or sixth door on his left, he wasn’t entirely sure, but he decided it was most likely the fifth one.

 

Now, after the incident with Roxy, you’d think Eggsy learnt a thing or two about barging into rooms without warning to those inside, but Eggsy was nothing if not driven and at times that translated into having to learn the same lesson more than once due to his own over-exuberance. That being the case, he found himself in more than a little awkward position as he stood in the bedroom facing a rather underdressed Harry, who was staring back at him in surprise from where he stood beside the tub, apparently in the middle of preparing a bath.

 

Or at least Eggsy thought he was staring at him in surprise. It was hard to assess at the moment, because Harry wasn’t wearing pants and his legs were incredibly muscular looking and surprisingly tan and what kind of exercise regimen did Harry keep to stay so fit because Jesus, if FIT had a definition it was Harry at this moment because no earthly creature could look that good in a dress shirt and possibly nothing else, and oh my god was he even _wearing_ underwear under that shirt and now Eggsy’s mind was wandering where it did not belong.

 

“Eggsy…”

 

And it turned out his voice had wandered off with his mind, over the hill and far away, because he couldn’t seem to get more than a syllable out at the moment either. After opening and closing his mouth a few times, he decided to stare down at the ground instead and hope Harry disappeared. Of course, that did not happen. As any other sane person would, Harry decided to confront him.

 

 “Can I help you Eggsy?”

“Mhngg….”

“Are you lost, by any chance?”

“Ngffhh.”

“….are you alright? You’re looking very pale suddenly.”

 

Eggsy tried to gather his vocal chords and sanity about him in order to reply that he was fine, but all that came out was a meep as he felt Harry’s cold hands near his neck, tugging at the neck of his shirt as though to help Eggsy breathe better, when really it was doing the exact opposite.

 

“You’re as white as a sheet.” Harry mumbled, his face so close to Eggsy’s the poor boy had to look up and _dammit_ there were Harry’s brown eyes, practically glowing red in the low-light of the room, so filled with what looked like genuine concern and worry. ‘ _Except it makes no sense that he should worry about his food’_ , Eggsy’s mind supplied unhelpfully. Swallowing around the tightness in his throat, he managed to croak out “I’m fine.” He managed to croak aloud, but Harry was having none of it.

 

“You look dead on your feet, come sit down. You’ll feel much better.” Eggsy found himself being ushered to the bed on unsteady legs. Plopping down without protest (his brain had short circuited the moment he registered that he was sitting on Harry’s bed) he looked back down at his hands, realizing the pocket-sized book dangerously close to escaping its confines. He took the opportunity of Harry going into the en suite for a glass of water and clutched the book quickly in his right hand, far too embarrassed for Harry to know he was carrying bloody ‘ye olde’ dating tips in his jeans.

 

Harry returned with that glass of water, which Eggsy drank under the rapt gaze of his ‘caretaker’.  “There now, feeling better?” Harry took a seat beside him. Eggsy nodded quickly. “Alright…so, to what do I owe the house visit, Eggsy?” Harry asked with a smile. Eggsy froze.

 

Cue word vomit.

 

“I was just looking for Ro- uh….just looking around. Yeah, since I was kind of bored in my rooms and Merlin’s busy with the books and being froz-I mean being cold and all, y’know old people with their dried out joints and stuff, though I guess you wouldn’t know since you’re im-err…still rather young, I mean. So yeah I was just strolling around and-what is it, what are you looking at?” Eggsy asked, getting more and more unsettled by Harry’s amused gaze that just _would not budge._

“Oh nothing. I’m sorry, they’re just…they look like golden threads.” Harry said, sounding almost amazed, which made Eggsy turn around to look for the golden threats the man (vampire) must be talking about. All he saw behind him was the decidedly not-golden bed curtain and lamp behind him.

 

“What?”

“Your lashes.”

 

Oh.

 

“Oh...”

 

And really, that was just…

 

“Oh.”

 

_‘For fucks sake Eggsy, say something more than Oh!’_

 

“Oh…” FUCK “…golden? I…oh.” FUCK FUCK FUCK!

 

“I’d like you to accompany me to ball.” Not-Eggsy said, because he was still decidedly at war with his own tongue.

 

“The ball?”

 

“Yes. I was going to be accompanied by…someone else, but I believe I’d much rather it be you.”

 

Fuck.

 

“And she won’t mind, I’m sure.”

 

Eggsy clutched at the book in his right hand, praying for it to tell him how to UNcharm a ‘damozel’, seeing as how he really didn’t need the interest right now, even if he was sorely tempted. I mean, he said his eyelashes were golden. No one had ever said anything like that about any part of Eggsy’s anatomy before, let alone something so disarmingly innocent and sincere- stop. No. No, he couldn’t be distracted now.

 

“I…I’ll be busy with Merlin, I’m afraid.”

 

“But you’ll be able to dance.”

 

“Can’t dance, I’m afraid.”

 

“I can teach you.”

 

“Shit student, I’m afraid.”

 

“You’re afraid of an awful lot, Eggsy. Are you sure you’re not simply afraid of me?” Harry asked, looking particularly disappointed.

 

Eggsy panicked for a moment and flailed his hands in a quick, negative motion. “No, no! No of course no, it’s not that! I just-” he froze as he saw Harry’s eyes trained on the book he was waving about in his right hand, before pulling it back quickly as recognition dawned on his face.

 

“Is that one of my books?”

 

“…………………………………………………………Maybe.”

 

Harry laughed aloud, as though he discovered some grand joke in all of this, and that joke was called Eggsy. He was embarrassed, to be sure, but completely struck by the sound of Harry’s baritone laugh.

 

“Mind if I have a look?” and really Eggsy must have been pretty dazed, seeing as he handed the material over without a word or pause.

 

“Ah so that’s the secret, then? Someone is in love.” Harry said, sounding more than a little disappointed as he flipped through the pages. “I must warn you, Eggsy. In case the spelling didn’t clue you in, this is a rather outdated edition. You’re better off just telling the person how you feel.”

 

Eggsy was sure he could come up with a witty comeback for that, or an excuse as to why that was in his pocket. Instead he found himself saying:

 

“I’m afraid.”

 

Harry looked struck dumb for a moment, his features softening slightly as he looked back at the book in his hands. Silence ensued as he flipped through the pages.

 

“Well then…let’s assess the validity of these.” He said carefully, and opened at a random page. Clearing his throat, he began to read aloud: “Seventieth way…place the left arm around the shoulders of the loved one, put your left hand on her left shoulder like a bird alighting on the branch.”

 

By the end of the sentence, which Harry took his time with, rolling each word seductively off his tongue like they it was a bloody delicacy, Eggsy was sure his face was a pulsing red beacon of mortification, because _what sort of step by step guide was this?!_ It only got worse as Harry reached over and wrapped an arm around Eggsy’s shoulder exactly as suggested, his hand barely touching his shoulder. Fucking tease. He was sure Harry could feel his heart beating through his back.

 

“Alright, position assumed. ‘Then let an angel pass.’ Quite ridiculous. Do you supposed an angel has passed by now, Eggsy?”

 

Eggsy could only stare dumbfounded at Harry’s face. His mind was in a sort of haze from the close proximity to Harry, and he wasn’t sure he could move if he tried. He was entranced, like a furry creature in the eyes of a snake, except he didn’t feel like prey in this instance, at least not unwilling prey.

 

Snapping the book shut, Harry placed it in Eggsy’s lax hands. “Well, at least the last piece of advice was rather sound.”

 

“Wha?” Brilliant, Eggsy. Nobel Prize material.

 

“Apparently, we should kiss.” Harry said simply, a disarming smile on his face.  As he slowly leaned forward, Eggsy couldn’t help his eyes from fluttering shut. He could hear his pulse racing, feel his palms getting sweaty as he gripped the book tighter, feel his breath stop in anticipation. He felt like a teenager again. But with the darkness of his eyes shut, suddenly he thought of the fangs, the two canine teeth, the overly pronounced cuspids, tearing through his neck and veins. Panic set in and he did the only thing he thought he could.

 

He slammed the book into Harry’s face, shouted “SORRY!” and booked it…pun not intended, and also completely unwelcome.

 

He was running blindly down the hallway when he heard the footsteps and Harry’s voice calling his name. He was cursing himself as he ran, wishing he had stayed with Merlin and waited for sunrise, wishing he hadn’t lost the vampire kit, wishing he hadn’t followed the ‘kooky Professor Merlin’ to an early grave. He had just reached hallway to a center courtyard he had never noticed before, when he heard the footsteps following him stop.

 

He kept running, his momentum bringing him what he considered a minimum safe distance before slowing down and looking over his shoulder.

 

He turned right.

 

He slowed down to a trot, trying to remain as quiet as he could, even at his pace, throwing glances over his shoulder as he did.

 

He turned right again.

 

He slowed to a walk, creeping backwards as he eyed the dark hallways he had come from. Not a sound to be heard. He was slowly inching up a short set of steps, once more turning to the right, when he realized the courtyard was a square. He stopped breathing as his mind caught up with him. He had made three rights and was now standing precisely where he had started…and beside him, leaning against a pillar, was Harry with his arms crossed.

 

“Now Eggsy, I don't know why you are so desperate to run from me, but we really need to talk-”

 

Eggsy tore off once more, hoping to escape while Harry was busy talking, and he nearly tripped and fell as Harry’s hand shot out to grasp his elbow but missed. With Harry’s frustrated cry echoing the hallways, Eggsy ran off down the hall blindly. He ran as far and as fast as he could, slipping and sliding over frosted-over floors (he realized he must be in the old wing) as he did so.

 

His mind was beginning to play tricks on him and he was sure that he could hear heavy breathing right by his ear (though he was probably just hearing his own breathing at this point) when a door in front of him swung open.

 

“Eggsy, where the devil have you- Oh shit.”

 

Oh shit was right. Eggsy had no time to explain, he grabbed Merlin by the arm and they both began running through the halls until Merlin yanked Eggsy into a doorway, leading to some stairs. He shut the door quickly and held a hand over Eggsy’s mouth, ensuring his silence. They stood in silence as they heard footsteps pass the door (where those more than one set?).

 

“You’ve done it now, haven’t you boy?” Merlin grumbled. “Announced our knowledge and intetions within a day of the ball. Soon his ‘people’ will be arriving and they’ll kill us, if we survive the night.”

  
Thankfully, Merlin did not seem to expect a reply to this accusation, and instead decided to trudge up the stairs. It led to the rooftop of one of the castle’s battlements, giving great view to the sprawling moonlit tundra that surrounded the castle. It made Eggsy feel more desolate than before. He knew the last thing Merlin wanted was to hear his voice, but Eggsy needed instruction at the moment and he really was beyond worried about Roxy at this point.

 

“What do we do?” he asked.

 

Merlin shuffled a little, staring out into the snow.

 

“We-”

 

“Don’t move.” They turned in time to see Knife-legs (Gazelle, Eggsy. Really.) standing in the doorway with a gun trained at Merlin’s chest.

 

Shortly after, Valentine showed up, panting. “Shit…Gazelle…how the hell d'you run so fast on ice?! You don’t even have traction!” He demanded.

 

“I pierce straight through to the stone. I keep my legs sharp.” She said simply as though that were a completely normal statement to make. Merlin, Eggsy and Valentine alike looked rather disturbed.

 

“Well, please don’t shoot these people while I’m still here. Just wait till I go back down.” He announced finally.

 

“No one is getting shot.” Ah and of course, here came Harry. The man himself. Eggsy wondered if he’d survive the fall if he threw himself over the edge right now.

 

“Really? Because I think strange grave-robbing tourists who go on midnight-molesting sprees should be shot.” Gazelle said.

 

“I second that. When I’m gone, of course.” Valentine agreed.

 

“He did not molest- excuse me, grave robbing?” Harry asked, glanced in Eggsy’s direction with a shocked look.

 

“No, you see what happened was-” “They were climbing through windows and shit, like they were some kinda cat burglar wannabees-” “It was entertaining, granted, but I haven’t shot anything in a while, so it only seems fair to let me-” “Really this is all quite unnecessary-”

 

“EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP, OH MY GOD!”

 

Every eye turned to the doorway once more, where Roxy was standing in what looked like a riding outfit.

 

“Harry, meet Eggsy and Merlin, the two people who KNOW YOU’RE A BLOODY VAMPIRE. Eggsy and Merlin, meet my lovesick sire who doesn’t know how to confront a problem in a straightforward manner, and who is a complete gentleman and not the kind of harlequin vampire you probably think he is. Now, I’d like you all to make up and play nice, because we have a ball tomorrow night. It is my first ball, and I’m rather excited for it. Guests begin arriving at 12.00 noon tomorrow, and I needed to be at my father’s house 20 minutes ago, not running after you INFANTS to ensure man slaughter doesn’t happen in a haze of panic. I refuse to let my frankly stunning red gown be wasted on an ill-timed funeral.”

 

Silence.

 

“Damn. Well…that’s our cue.” Valentine announced and pulled on Gazelle’s arm. The one not holding the gun.

 

That left Eggsy, Merlin, Harry and Roxy alone on the roof.

 

Awkward didn’t even begin to describe it.


	6. Step 5: Victory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having confronted the Vampire in the right environment, god willing, you will be triumphant. Walk on, triumphant Vampire Killer.

 

 

An almighty silence surrounded them. Eggsy swore he could almost hear the sound of the falling snow striking the stone battlements. Merlin was looking a little contradicted and unsure, his eyebrows doing a magnificent dance atop his brow that illustrated the internal debate he seemed to be having with himself as he processed this new information. Roxy and Harry looked worried, like they weren’t sure if Eggsy and Merlin would still try to attack them with pikes and images of Jesus. The silence was in fact so stifling and awkward, and Eggsy was so decidedly uncomfortable being immersed in it, that he just said the first thing that came to mind.

 

"So, garlic?"

 

Harry blinked in surprise, as did everyone else in fact, as though emerging from a stupor. The corners of his lips quirked slightly as he said "A lovely seasoning."

 

"Silver?" Merlin asked in turn, apparently drawn out from his reverie enough that he felt the need to interrogate the vampires before him, if his frown was anything to go by.

 

"Doesn't go well with my complexion, but hardly a hazard to me, or my kind in general." Harry replied. "I do have a bit of a silver allergy, actually." Roxy offers in an offhand manner. Harry chuckled a little, his shoulders relaxing under the new atmosphere that was more inquisitive than hostile. "Well, there is the occasional exception."

 

"Wooden stakes to the heart?"

"I think anyone would die from a stake to the heart, wooden or otherwise."

"How about reflections...specifically, having none."

"Do you honestly think I'd manage this smoky cat-eye look without the assistance of a mirror? Look at these wings. I could cut you with them." Roxy stated testily, pointing to her right eye as though that one orb alone held all the evidence to disprove a myth of vampirism...which in a sense, they did.

 

"She has a point. Her wings are on fleek." Eggsy muttered under his breath, earning a grin and an air-high-five from Roxy, which he responded to enthusiastically much to Merlin's chagrin. I mean, sure, his life's work was being disproved bit by bit, but Eggsy was entitled to making friends, especially those as kindred as Roxy. And especially when he was finding out that his man-crush wasn’t a blood sucking mind controlling vampire who wanted to enslave his body and soul…at least, not without Eggsy’s consent.

 

"Crucifixes?" Really, one had to admire Merlin’s determination and thoroughness. They could be here till the ball actually started.

 

"I've known people who were alive at the time of Christ, and they’ve assured me that he was quite a lovely man. I doubt he'd appreciate that those who claim to love him go about wearing the tool for his murder and execution around their necks like baubles. Besides, I'm an atheist. So really, other than thinking it rather rude, I can’t say I have any aversion to crucifixes and crosses.”

 

"Alright, fine, but how about sunlight. We didn't see either of you at all in the day, surely that must be true." Eggsy jumped in quickly with his own inquiries.

 

"In a sense. We're rather sensitive to light, but we won't burn to a crisp. Our eyes are far sharper, and therefore more sensitive to sunlight. Nothing heavy-duty sunglasses won't fix, however."

 

“So, you aren’t Satanists? I mean, this is a Yuletide ball. Sounds like old religion to me!” Merlin insisted.

 

“It's not even yuletide. It's called yuletide because it sounded cooler, but yuletide is on the 21st this year. I googled it.” Roxy said indignantly. “I didn’t want my party to be called something as cliché as a Christmas Dinner.”

 

Eggsy couldn’t help but perk up at that statement. “Your party? Is it like a sort of Vampire initiation party?” he asked curiously. She grinned, looking like she was about to let out a flood of excited descriptions of what was essentially her ‘entrance to society’.

 

"But you do drink human blood?" Merlin pressed, causing a hush to come over the posse. Roxy looked expectantly at Harry, clearly expecting him to handle this, while Harry looked decidedly uncomfortable.

 

"We require blood to live, yes. It's like water, a necessity of living. We can't digest food properly without it therefore we need around a litre of blood a day. Roxy and I, along with all of our acquaintances, take animal blood. To drink human blood, however, is considered a crime among us. None who do it live for long. We see to that. Except for the turning ceremony, of course, but that is a thing entirely on its own."

 

“A topic we have no time for!” Roxy interrupted as she saw Merlin take a deep breath. Rushing over to him, she grabbed his hands in her dainty gloved ones.

 

“My dear Professor, there will be plenty of time for questions tomorrow. Harry and I would be delighted to answer any sort of queries you might have, concerning the ‘turning’ or any special features we may have gained. For tonight, though, I must insist we go back inside. It’s cold, and you look positively frozen. And I must go see my father, as this will be the first Christmas I won’t be with him. Would you rob be of such a thing?” Eggsy had no idea her voice could go so soft and alluring, and shit he had never asked if hypnosis was a thing that vampires could do, because Merlin’s face was gradually softening in what looked like genuine compassion and good humour.

 

“Very well, my lady. For tonight, I concede. Come, lets go inside. I’m hardly dressed for the elements, and I daresay neither are you. Would you mind directing me the library before you leave?” He acquiesced and fit her hand into his elbow, escorting her back inside gently as she grinned back at him, looking like the cat that got the cream and far less elegant than her previous speech warranted.

 

Which was great and all, but that left Eggsy with Harry.

 

Alone.

 

“You seem to get rather tongue-tied in stressful situations, I’ve noticed, so I suppose I’ll make this easier for us by asking yes or no questions. Is that quite alright?” Harry’s soft tone caught Eggsy completely off guard. He looked up quickly at the man, who had an understanding look on his face. Eggsy nodded slowly when he realised he was still waiting for an answer.

 

“Right…so, you’ve known all along? That I was a vampire?”

 

Eggsy nodded, looking back down at his feet.

 

“And you were scared I was going to harm you?”

He nodded again.

 

“Was this…was this all a ploy, then? To get into my household?”

 

“NO!”

  
It took Eggsy a moment to realise that it was his voice that had shouted the word, and that he had reached out to grab one of Harry’s arms as though he thought the man would disappear.

 

And of course, this was the perfect moment for Eggsy’s word vomit to erupt like Mount Vesuvius over the unsuspecting victim(s) in his vicinity, namely Harry.

 

“I had no idea you were a vampire when I met you at the inn, not at first, and I really really really really liked you and when you said you thought I was interesting and I was so happy because I wanted to know you but then when you left with Roxy, I saw your eyes and teeth flash and then I remembered everything that Merlin unearthed about vampires and all the theories and I thought that maybe you were going to hurt Roxy, so we came over when you invited and you were just as lovely as before but then I remembered the whole mind-control theory that some scholar mentioned once and suddenly I wasn’t sure but you were so nice, so I wasn’t really sure what to think because on one hand I felt safe with you but on the other hand I was so terrified that it was all just a lie to feed me to your young or something so I panicked and I’m so sorry I hit you with a book when you tried to kiss me because I want my face on your face so badly, but I panicked, and if I’d have known that vampires weren’t like those from Blade I’d have totally not done that-”

 

In a fleeting moment, Eggsy gasped for air and Harry barked out a laugh, before the older man pulled Eggsy to his chest with a smirk. “I forgive you. Do you mind if we try the kiss one more time?”

 

Eggsy nodded quickly, not wanting to waste his short breath on words when he needed some stored for the kiss, before he grabbed Harry by his shirt and smashing their lips together.

 

Aside from the initial collision, which was less than graceful, it was everything Eggsy could have hoped and dreamed of. So, after a breather, he did it again. And again. And again. He wasn’t sure how long they had been kissing, but it was long enough that his legs felt numb from standing still so long and his brain felt numb for the other-worldly experience of it all. Or maybe he was going through shock.

 

Either way, they pulled apart, Harry’s arms now wrapped around Eggsy’s waist, and just stared at each other.

 

“Eggsy…will you do me the honour of accompanying me to the ball tomorrow?”

“I…I haven’t got anything to wear.”

“Let me worry about that. Yes or no.”

“Yes. Absolutely yes.”

“Good…now, let’s go inside before I freeze my legs off.”

"..................Harry, are you wearing trousers?”

“..................What can I say, I panicked as well when you shoved that book in my face and ran.”

 

Eggsy couldn’t help but peek down at Harry’s bare legs for a moment, before snorting back his laugh.

 

“It’s very becoming of you.”

“Shut up, Eggsy.”

 

And with another smothering kiss that barely masked Eggsy’s chuckles, he did so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here we are at a crossroads. I was thinking of making a final chapter, where we just see Merlin, Eggsy and Roxy enjoying the ball and maybe some more romantic times between our otp, beloved Hartwin. I think this ending works too, though.
> 
> So, comment below if you think I should leave it here, or add the final chapter.


	7. Epilogue: The Vampire's Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re not wearing that.”  
> Eggsy looked down at his tight jeans, winged Adidas trainers and varsity jacket.  
> “But I even took off the snapback.” He whined.  
> Merlin’s disgusted expression deepened.  
> “No, Eggsy. No. You will not embarrass me. Not tonight. Go look for something else to wear.”  
> “This is the best I’ve got!”  
> They had a staring match, and Eggsy was half-expecting Merlin to launch across the room and choke him to death if only to avoid Eggsy showing up dressed as a chav to ruin Merlin’s first impression on the ‘cool kids’.
> 
> Cue Harry showing up to play Fairy Godmother. Cue meeting the vampire-folk from all corners of the globe. Also cue mayhem, because Eggsy is a bad luck magnet.

This was not entirely the way Eggsy would have envisioned a yuletide ball in a vampire’s castle to go. To be fair, at the time he had thought Roxy was in trouble and had assumed that he and Merlin would have to crash the party with crucifixes and holy water in order to liberate her. Clearly, as that was no longer the case, he expected it to be at least sombre…or classy…or just plain posh.

 

And it had certainly begun that way.

 

But now there’s a chandelier on the ground and a cackling man dusting crystal shards off of his bespoke suit, while Ke$ha blared over the sound system.

 

……Alright, maybe he should start at the beginning.

 

***f

 

“You’re not wearing that.”

 

Eggsy looked down at his tight jeans, winged Adidas trainers and varsity jacket. That was a bit coarse, I mean, they had been bagpacking across the European countryside. How was he to know he’d have to pack a black tie suit? Well apparently Merlin knew, and had, but hadn’t had the thought to tell Eggsy…not that he had one to bring anyways.

 

“But I even took off the snapback.” He whined.

Merlin’s disgusted expression deepened.

“No, Eggsy. No. You will not embarrass me. Not tonight. Go look for something else to wear.”

“This is the best I’ve got!”

 

They had a staring match, and Eggsy was half-expecting Merlin to launch across the room and choke him to death if only to avoid Eggsy showing up dressed as a chav to ruin Merlin’s first impression on the ‘cool kids’.

 

“I believe I can fix that.” An amused voice announced. They turned to see Harry leaning against the doorframe. Eggsy swallowed as he stared at the man. He was wearing a white button up, rolled up to the elbows, with (Jesus take the wheel) faded blue jeans.

Eggsy was going to start drooling any moment now. Merlin’s cluck alerted him that he probably already doing so.

 

“You’re up early.” He deflected quickly. Because he was, it was eight in the morning and Harry was, as he had called himself, a ‘night owl’.

 

“Well, I’ve decided to try and fix my sleeping patterns. Apparently being a cliché can lead to some unsavoury misunderstandings.” He retorted with a grin.

 

They both grinned at each other, seemingly transfixed, till Merlin interjected by shoving Eggsy in the direction of the door. “Alright then, enough of that, take the boy with you and fix him up. I’ll see you all at lunch.”

 

And really, who were they to argue at such a lovely suggestion, and Eggsy was more than eager for more time with Harry. Not for any perverse reason (not mainly, anyways) but mostly just for the comfort and conversation they had developed seemingly instantly. Eggsy thought they would have to make awkward conversation to fill in the time after their kiss last night. Instead, they had begun talking as though nothing had transpired between the Inn that moment on the battlements; As though they were simply picking up where they had left off.

 

So Eggsy found himself walking along with Harry, discussing his intentions for going home for next Christmas, while the hustle and bustle of people setting up for the ball could be heard below.

 

“I haven’t been to England in a while.” Harry mentioned with a twinkle in his eye.

 

“Is that right? Well come on down, we’ve got a great set up and I have a sofa bed in my room. Right next to my old stereo.” Eggsy responded excitedly. He wasn’t sure if he was being sarcastic or not, because as soon as the words were out of his mouth they began sounding exceedingly tempting.

 

Harry chuckled a rejoinder concerning his age and his luck at having a back stronger than mere mortals, as he entered his room and began sifting through a closet nearby.

 

“Now, it isn’t bespoke, which is a shame, but I can adjust it to fit appropriately, which is second best.” He announced as he pulled a black tie suit out of the closet. It was clearly Harry’s size and cut, which made Eggsy’s insides turn to mush a little, but he was more curious about the ‘adjusting’ part.

 

“Wait, _you_ can adjust it?”

 

“Yes. Didn’t I tell you, Eggsy? I was a tailor in another life. Go put it on, so I can start measuring.”

 

Obediently, Eggsy took the suit and headed off into the bathroom, but he couldn’t help but wonder…what did Harry mean by ‘another life’?

 

When he re-emerged, he heard Harry thanking someone on the phone. “Whatsup?” Eggsy asked, pulling at the coat sleeves a little.

 

“Ah, just asking a friend of mine to bring some dress shoes in your size, because as much as I appreciate your odd taste, these trainers are a little…ostentatious.”

 

Eggsy just grinned and walked to the middle of the room where Harry was motioning him too. “Yes, it goes with my aesthetic.”

 

Harry began pinching and pulling and pinning as  Eggsy stood still, the silence calm but still a little nervous on Eggsy’s part. He decided he _had_ to fill the void.

 

“So…by another life…did you mean before you got bitten?” He asked hesitantly.

  
Harry froze a moment, before shaking his head. “No…no, I was turned far earlier than that. I was, however, a tailor for most of the 14th Century.”

“Interesting choice of profession…”

More silence.

“…I was running.” Harry replied, as though that explained things. Eggsy waited a moment, hoping that maybe he would elaborate. “At the time, the best shot I had in running was blending in. Being someone that no one would look twice at or suspect. I was good at precision work, and I had an interest, so I decided…why not be a tailor?”

“What were you running from?”

“I…I suppose I was running from what had to be done.” Harry responded awkwardly. Eggsy didn’t want to pressure the man, obviously, and it seemed such a personal topic, so he decided to drop it entirely.

 

“When did you turn Roxy?” he asked instead. That made Harry smile a little. “A few years back. I had just begun moving into this castle, when Percival showed up dragging his furious daughter behind him and demanding I save her. Apparently she had been diagnosed with the middle stages of frontemporal dementia, something she had inherited from her mother, and he refused to lose his daughter as he had lost his wife. She didn’t believe in the surpernatural. She thought he was insane. We convinced her otherwise.”

 

Eggsy couldn’t help but smile at that. He could just imagine her shock at the discovery that someone as unassuming as Harry was a blood sucking immortal creature. I mean, _he_ had been shocked.

 

“Would you change just anyone that asked?” Eggsy asked curiously.

 

“No, of course not. If you turn someone, they are your responsibility. All that power, and immortality, and the thirst. No, I could not hand it to just anyone. There was something about Roxy, though. I knew it wouldn’t be a mistake. So far, I haven’t been proven otherwise. Alright, you can take off the coat.”

 

Eggsy shrugged it off and watched awkwardly as Harry began kneeling in front of him to prod at his legs.

 

“So…” he started quickly, looking up at the ceiling instead. “Who shall we expect at this ball?”

 

“Just a few dignitaries and their apprentices. Technically, that is what Roxy is to me. We have a ball like this every time we present our apprentices to the public. It’s a sort of recognition of them into our ranks.”

 

“Will Merlin and I be welcome?” Eggsy asked nervously.

 

Harry shrugged a little, which Eggsy could tell from the slight tug on his right pant pocket that he was trying to ignore.

 

“From most, definitely. But there are others…let’s just say they don’t get out very often. I think the fact that you are ‘vampire scholars’ will have most of them in a tizzy, though. They love anonymous limelight. Before long, they’ll be hoarding Merlin and trying to get him to write about their ‘legendary exploits’ under ridiculous nom de plumes.”

 

“Tell them we’re vampire hunters, see if they’ll freak out.”

 

“They’d probably just laugh.”

 

“You offer me insult?”

 

“Of course not, my darling boy.” Harry whispered in Eggsy’s ear from behind and _fuck_ when had he stood up? Eggsy couldn’t help the knee-jerk blush that exploded over his face, which just seem to make Harry laugh even more.

 

“Oh haha, very funny, make fun of the mortal. You’re just jealous that I have enough blood in my body to make me blush.”

 

“I am not jealous…I am in fact very grateful for that fact. I like your blush.” Harry retorted with a smirk.

 

“Shut up before I stick you with a pin.” Eggsy muttered, walking over to the bathroom with Harry’s laugh trailing after him. He could _feel_ the heat on his face.

 

The rest of the day had ended up being fairly boring as Harry got called off to take care of one thing or another. He was lucky enough that Roxy had taken some time to take him on the illusive tour through the castle, though she seemed far too preoccupied with Merlin, who was interrogating her excitedly throughout the entire ordeal. She replied his questions in equal fervour.

 

“-and of course, this was Harry’s sire, he-who-must-not-be-named, complete asshole extraordinaire.” Roxy explained, which snapped Eggsy’s attention to the portrait she was pointing at of an old man wearing medieval clothing.

 

“Is that…could it be?” Merlin asked in wonder. 

 

Roxy just nodded solemnly, which made Eggsy nervous. “Ok guys, I’m a little left out here. Does this have anything to do with the elusive ‘I was running in the 14th century’ thing Harry was talking about?”

 

Roxy looked a little sad at that and nodded.

 

“Yes, it did. He’s Arthur, then-leader of the vampire race…or that was what he went by at the time. I’m sure you’ve heard of Count Vlad Drăculea, popularised as Vlad the Impaler?”

 

Fuck.

 

“Yes, exactly. Well, he sired Harry. When he was nearly killed during the war against the Ottomans, he went into hiding here. Harry thought that would be the end of his cruel ways but…when he had gathered his strength, sometime in the 14th Century, he was planning on continuing his reign. He was a megalomaniac, and he wanted the world to succumb to the vampire race with Harry at his side. Harry ran, not wanting to be a part of that future, till he realised he couldn’t run anymore. He returned and…liberated us of Arthur.”

 

Merlin was scribbling away at his notebook frantically, talking of inviting his fellow scholar Bram Stoker here to further research this story. Eggsy was a little too stunned to speak. Staring at the man in the portrait, he thought of how at some point in time, that man had called this castle ‘home’…that at some point, he died here.

 

“So Harry…killed him? His sire?” He asked hesitantly.

 

He swallowed as he felt Roxy’s hand on his shoulder. “He did what he had to do. It was his responsibility…Arthur was leading the vampires to complete human annihilation. My people still remember the suffering of losing loved ones in the night, like every bad vampire film and novel come to life. There’s a reason we never speak the name of this castle. We were never free, till Harry came back. We hadn’t lived till Harry came back.”

 

“Hold on.” Merlin interrupted, his tone brusque. “Harry is now the leader of the vampire race, is he not?”

 

Roxy chuckled but nodded. “Can you just think of it? Harry. King of the vampires. And we are all his Kingsmen. I quite like the sound of that. We should get cool knight names…I claim Lancelot.” She announced. The rest of the tour passed in a haze of information and questions, though Eggsy’s mind kept returning to how Harry had liberated planet earth by killing his mentor, and was also king of vampires. Eggsy still wasn’t entirely sure what he thought about this when he arrived at his room that evening to find a tailored suit lying across his duvet.

 

A note sat serenely on the lapels of the suit, which said “Save a dance for me? –H”.

 

There was another note on his shoes that said “You owe me one – J” which he didn’t really know what to make of, so he ignored it.

 

The grin on his face didn’t leave Eggsy’s face for the entire evening as he showered, got dressed and combed his hair to some semblance of order. He was still grinning as he went to Merlin’s room, and as the man gave him a once-over of appraisal, before nodding his head in approval, which just made his grin worse.

 

They walked to the ballroom in anticipation, when they saw Roxy standing in her scarlet ball gown and long gloves, facing the ornate ballroom door. She smiled nervously at them, but soon turned her attention back to the door. Merlin and Eggsy both stopped and stood a while, aware that this was the moment that she was going to be led in by Harry.

 

They could feel the electricity in the air, and hear the hum of conversation inside the ballroom, when suddenly everything went silent as the grave. The three jumped in unison as the creak of the door opening echoed through the stillness, and Harry stepped into the hallway. Shooting Eggsy and Merlin a short smile, he turned to Roxy with a grin.

 

“My dear.” He held his right arm out for her to take.

 

She smiled shakily before breathing deeply and taking his arm. Suddenly, they were both these majestic creatures, poised and regal as they floated through the doorway. It closed behind them with a slam, and Eggsy couldn’t help but turn to Merlin with worried eyes.

 

If all of them in that room were like that, these incredible ethereal creatures, should they bother entering?

  
They didn’t have much time to ponder as the door opened once more and a tall man slipped through. “Ah, Merlin and company! I’m here to escort the both of you in while Harry and Roxy make the rounds. Also, Eggsy I believe it was, you owe me a favour.” He announced, before pointing at Eggsy’s shoes. Ah…so this was J.

 

“Name's James. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get this tour started. There are some particularly vile characters I’d like to torment with your presence.” Merlin grinned at the sentiment, asking if he was referring to xenophobes of the vampiric kind, to which James laughed and took him by the arm. “We shall be close friends, my good man. How do you feel about Whiskey?” “I’m afraid I’m getting disturbingly attached to you.” Merlin retorted with faux concern, and the two of them walked into the ballroom as one, Eggsy rushing to keep up.

 

It was pleasantly normal, actually, within the ballroom. Everything was rather posh and everyone spoke far better English than Eggsy, who was from the bloody country of the language’s origin, but it didn’t really matter. There really were quite some characters to be met.

 

There was an elderly African woman who called herself Aurora (she changed her name to the language of those she spoke to, as her own tongue was dead, but that was essentially her name) that began regaling them of tales of Cleopatra and Herodotus, all of whom she refused to turn due to their selfishness. She spoke of her and a few of their kind were touring the Middle East and ran into a certain man that came to be known as Jesus, but he himself had refused to be turned as he said “My death will be my greatest testimony.” He certainly wasn’t wrong.

 

They had also met a Chinese man whose name was Yv Di and who mentioned that he had inadvertedly started the Heavenly religions within China due to his vampirism. He announced that he left the country as soon as they began worshiping him, but he missed his country of origin and would often go there for vacation. “No Facebook there, though.” He muttered, which made Eggsy nearly spit his wine all over the place because what the fuck.

 

They, of course, had eventually met a distasteful young man named Charlie who was an epic ass to end all asses, and he was (shockingly) James' apprentice. He was a complete chucklefuck of the highest order, citing his pedigree, 'exceptional' qualifications and his now vampiric blood as if proclaiming his resume for a position as CEO of BetterThanYou private limited. He was currently ranting about his increased agility when James began cackling loudly and flung his arm around the young man's shoulders. "Isn't he just a riot?!" He demanded between laughs. Every time Charlie tried to protest, James just seemed to laugh harder.

"Now see here-"

"Hahahahaha!"

"I am a Hesketh, of-"

"Did you hear that, he's a _Hesketh!_ Hahaha!"

"Really, get your hand off-"

" _Get your hand off of me bleh bleh blehhh_ ahahhaha!"

"We don't  _say_ that, stop propagating that-"

Merlin and Eggsy were a little unsure what to make of all this, chuckling awkwardly and sipping at their drinks, when James turned very serious suddenly and gripped Charlie closer by the shoulders. A hush came over them as James said sternly under his breath, though the grin was still on his face to disguise the nature of his words to those nearby, "Oh Charlie, I enjoy your stubbornness and pride, but there are limits. Don't make me bring you down low." Charlie paled noticeably and lowered his head in what could only be considered submission. James turned to grin at Merlin (he smiled weakly back, and Eggsy was suddenly very glad that Merlin was his mentor, of all people it could have been) "Boys will be boys, eh? He has time to learn his place. All the time in the world, in fact." James chimed cheerfully.

 

The atmosphere was thick with awkwardness when Harry and Roxy came over. "Morton." Charlie greeted with a slight glare, though still a little subdued. "Hesketh." She greeted back dismissively, before grinning at James. "So James, you finally show your face. Aren't you going to congratulate me?" James crossed the floor immediately and swung Roxy into a hug, leaving a slightly distraught looking Charlie in his wake. Eggsy couldn't help but watch with curiosity as hurt seemed to cross Charlie's features at the sight of James and Roxy so close. Was it mentor-mentee jealousy?

 

Harry greeted Charlie with a quick handshake and a smile, which made Charlie look down at the floor and blush furiously. Now it Eggsy's turn to feel jealous.

 

"Good to see you here, Charlie. It's been too long." 

"It's good to be back, your highness." Really, did he have to look so bloody embarrassed and submissive?

"How has James been treating you."

"As well as one might expect from a man with a personality disorder." 

"Takes one to know one." Roxy interjected as she headed to Merlin's side. "Might I have this dance?" She asked, before either James nor Charlie could defend their soundness of mind. "Of course, my dear." Merlin said, tucking his notebook enthusiastically into his coat pocket and offering her his arm.

 

"Eggsy...I've been meaning to talk to you all night. Might I have this dance?" Harry asked carefully. For a moment, Eggsy was about 100% sure that he had completely lost all his wits, and he simply nodded, taking Harry's hand as they went off onto the dance floor. He realized, belatedly, as Harry was arranging his hands that he had no idea what he was doing.

 

"I can't dance." he stated, matter-of-fact.

 

Harry smiled knowingly and pulled Eggsy's hands into position. "Just move your body with mine." Easier said than bloody done, especially when the word 'body' just made Eggsy all the more aware of his and Harry's and their closeness. It took him a while to get used to it, letting his body relax as Harry and the music pulled him this way and that. He was just getting the hang of it when the song stopped and another song began. One which really brought him back to square one because he had no idea how to dance to this either. Apparently Harry read his frustration, because he began herding him towards the balcony.

 

A waiter soon approached them with a tray of drinks, and Harry plucked two glasses of champagne and nodding for the man to leave. Eggsy wouldn't have been surprised if the Beauty and the Beast theme song began to play through the air because the view from the balcony looked like something from a fairy tale. Though, Harry hardly counted as a Beast. Sitting closely together, for warmth and for comfort, they began talking about the new year and what would go on.

 

Eggsy wasn't entirely sure where his place in the world was, now that he and Merlin had essentially reached the end of their Vampire Hunting careers. Merlin was planning on writing books on this encounter, surely, but he didn't need Eggsy for that, and now Eggsy didn't really know what to do with himself. "I suppose I could start being a teacher's assistant again." he queried, before Harry asked him if he'd like to simply take a year or so off and just travel with him. Eggsy was sorely tempted, of course, but couldn't help but ask with concern masked as cheekiness "And am I to be your bedwarmer then, your  _highness?"_

 

Harry, seeing the snide remark for what it was, just brushed Eggsy's concern off with an understanding look and a shake of his head. "A companion, certainly. And never so close a companion that goes beyond what you would want." "...Can we stop by England first?" The conversation now safely steered back to fairer waters, Harry began to look a little antsy.

 

"What's wrong?" Eggsy asked as Harry put his drink down on the railing of the balcony. "We've left James alone with Roxy and Charlie together for some time." He answered, and stood up cautiously, trying to find the aforementioned threesome through the glass doors. "I have a bad feeling about this." 

 

As though by magic, they heard the scratching and wobble of the music being stopped, followed by the hollow sound of a mic being passed around without care. Suddenly, club music began blaring over the speakers, causing the glass windowpanes to rattle with the bass. "How can you deny FreeKes$ha?!" Roxy's voice raised over the sound of Take It Off. Harry and Eggsy shared a look before rushing into the ballroom, to find Roxy and Charlie near the DJ, a mic in Roxy's hand and Charlie's elbow in another while Charlie pressed buttons in a drunken frenzy, apparently trying to end Ke$ha's reign over the stereo system. He was failing. James stalked over quickly and grabbed the mic, and for a moment Eggsy was sure he was going to stop them...till he (with a surprisingly good voice, though rather drunk-sounding as well) started singing along.

 

"N-now we looking like pimps in my gold Trans Am, got a water bottle full of whiskey in my handbag, got my drunktext on, I'll regret it in the morning but tonight I don't give a- I don't give a- I don't give a-"

 

Harry walked quickly towards them, with clear intention to abort the whole situation, but it was a little too late for that. The beat dropped, and James began jumping up and down, singing at the top of this lungs, which led to Roxy joining in, and the somewhat younger vampires rushed to the front of the dance floor. Eggsy watched in stunned fascination as he discovered about 30% of vampires loved Ke$ha, while another good 40% were simply up for a good dance at any time and began joining in enthusiastically despite having no idea what they were doing.

 

Eggsy found it rather...amusing, to be honest. He was halfway to the dancefloor himself when he saw Harry trying to placate James, which led to James trying to keep the mic away from Harry. Roxy came to James' defense, which really just looked like she was trying to use her 'mother voice' on Harry (it wasn't working, she was slurring far too much), which was only made worse when Charlie stepped up and tried to reach for the mic from James. He nearly did, too, James being lulled into a false sense of security thinking that Charlie wanted to dance with him, until he noticed the hands wandering towards the mic rather than his body.

 

This was the turning point where everything went to hell.

 

With a battle cry of "FreeKes$ha!", James threw the mic in what he assumed was Roxy's direction. Eggsy saw for a moment a true feat of strength enhanced by vampirism (and alcohol) as the mic flew in an upwards arc and struck the overhanging crystal chandelier, which had already been shuddering dangerously from the pounding bass of the song and the shaking from the people jumping. He managed a startled "Fuck!" as he saw the chandelier shake, sway and fall to the ground with a loud crash, vampires jumping this way and that to avoid the shards.

 

Complete silence enveloped the room as everyone took in the situation, except for James' cackling and Ke$ha's pounding music.

 

Until, of course, Charlie said rather loudly: "I can't believe that just fucking happened!"

 

Perhaps it was the combination of adrenaline, shock and stuckup-Hesketh swearing, but suddenly everyone gave a cheer and began dancing once more. Even Aurora and Yv Di were grinning and swaying off to the side of the dancefloor.

 

Once more, all Hell broke loose, though this time in a rather good way.

 

James grabbed a still-stunned Charlie around the waist and dragged him to the dancefloor and refusing to let him go till it was obvious that he wouldn't be wandering off.

 

Roxy grabbed Merlin by the hand and they ended up dancing next to the DJ's soundmixer, and Merlin looked genuinely happy for all that he didn't like 'modern music'.

 

And Eggsy found himself pulling a shell-shocked Harry into the throng, grinning widely as he began swaying to the music. He was well on his way to grinding when he said rather cheekily "Just move your body with mine." Harry's eyes flashed red briefly, before he grabbed Eggsy by the hips and pulled him close (not complaining, nope, Eggsy was not complaining at all) and pressed his face into Eggsy's hair (TOTALLY not complaining in the least).

 

"This was a disaster." Harry chuckled, which honestly just made Eggsy snort because hearing Harry say such a thing as he danced to Ke$ha was practically poetic. "Merry Christmas, Harry." He replied simply, pulling away to grin up at Harry. "Merry Christmas, Eggsy." he replied in what could be considered equal parts terribly fond and sarcastic. 

 

They danced on as Take It Off merged into Tik Tok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I named the Chinese vampire Shang Ti after the ancient Chinese God of heaven. I've seen a lot of different ways to spell it (Shangdi, Shang Di, Shangti) but this was the way I was taught to spell it in school when we learnt the traditional religions of Malaysia (Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism and a few others). So, if someone here speaks Mandarin and would like me to change it, please do tell me in the comment and I will change it.   
> EDIT: Someone gave me the right pinyin in the comments, so I've changed it to Yv Di.
> 
> 2) If by some crazy happenstance, you've never heard Take It Off by Ke$ha, [here's the link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edP0L6LQzZE)
> 
> 3) I'm sorry about the random Ke$ha scene, but I've recently had a drunk situation with some friends where the tossed object in question was the remote to the sound system as opposed to a mic, and well...chandeliers weren't destroyed in the making of this fic, but a few remotes might have been. The point is, I was inspired.
> 
> 4) Just so you know, I’d like to mention that the dress Roxy was wearing, I sort of envisioned it like the dress Amanda Bynes’ character (Daphne)’s mother was wearing in the movie “What A Girl Wants,” with the addition of the gloves that Daphne was wearing as well. Just in case you need a reference to what was in my head. If you don’t like it, feel free to ignore my imagination and fill in the blanks with a dress you prefer….now I feel like making a fic for that movie XDDDDD

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to find me on [my tumblr](http://zerotoweirdo.tumblr.com/) if you're looking to chat with me or maybe send me a prompt like this one (I like prompts). 
> 
> Also, please kudos and comment! I love love love comments! Like so much love! Like you have no idea the weird giggle+octopusdance thing I do when I receive a comment in my inbox. It's like pure joy.


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